Mirror, Mirror

           Women have a love/hate relationship with magnifying mirrors. We all want one so we can see our faces super duper close, but then we gasp and shriek, aghast at what we see.

          You’ll have pores that look like the Sea of Tranquility on the moon. Except you won’t feel tranquil.

         
         You’ll see tiny hairs that look like telephone poles. Could a bird perch there?

          It’s like a microscope. Do you REALLY want to see the cells of your veins?  Isn’t this why skin is opaque in the first place?

          When you look into a magnifying mirror, you see things no one else will ever see.  And, if you choose older friends, they’re even less likely to see.    

This was one benefit of wearing masks during Covid. At least the bottom half of our faces was covered and we saved all kinds of money on lipstick.

 
          I say we chuck the magnifiers and see if there are minimizers. Meet up with friends on a sunny day when everyone’s wearing sunglasses and you’ve got it made. 

Put down that mirror that makes you frown, and pick up one of my books, which will make you laugh. You can find them all on my website. 😊

         

 

My New Years' Gift to You

           I know Christmas is over, but in my case, the goodies linger.  We are still happily chowing down on fudge, cookies, cakes and pastries. (Yes, I could have made that list longer.)

          It isn’t that we’ve all had excellent willpower; it’s that we’ve accumulated a mountain of delights. I think I told you that when I was a little girl I wanted to be Queen Frostine from Candyland.

          But now that it’s a New Year I need to hunker down and get back to a healthier diet. All was going well until I was out running errands and needed a face mask. I found one in my purse, hurriedly put it on and was suddenly immersed in the scents of chocolate and caramel. YIKES! Busted for eating these the last time I wore the mask!

          So here’s my million-dollar idea for you: Scented Covid Masks!  (Except this one was unintentional and will only make your mouth water.)  But think of fragrances that would help you fight munchies and forget about sugar—I hear mint can work.

Or spray it with an air freshener you like. Think of scented candles. Think of ocean breezes and mountain meadows. Just don’t think of chocolate. Trust me.

You can also trust me to deliver great stories right to you door—check out my books here.

I Could Never Be Miss Muffet

           You will not believe what just happened to me. Okay, maybe you’ll believe it if you are a regular Joniopolis reader, because crazy things happen here.

I just had a spider get caught in my Covid mask WHILE  I WAS WEARING IT!

I was talking with a woman, also wearing a mask, and we were outdoors, six feet apart. We were doing everything right. And then suddenly she stepped toward me, pulled my mask down, and said, “A spider just fell into your mask!” Mind you, this mask is on tight, with elastic bands over my ears, holding it against my face.

St. Bob was there and the two of them brushed the hideous intruder off my face and onto the ground. I looked up—the sky was clear and there was nothing this spider could have leapt from.

I thanked them for saving my life (although I was about to die of fright), and then I wondered where on earth that spider had come from. Had it been in my ultra-curly chemo hair, which my daughter compares to Top Ramen? 

Was there a whole spider family there, just waiting to attack, or to lower themselves on silken threads and scare the daylights out of me?

I am not afraid of snakes or mice, but spiders do me in. I blogged about the Orb Spider here.  But now I can’t even post a real photo of a spider or I’ll have nightmares. So I have to post cartoon spiders instead.

And imagine if Bob and that woman hadn’t seen it! That spider could have bitten me on the lips! Or crawled up my nose, into my brain, and bitten my cerebellum! And laid eggs!                  

So if you see me with a mask completely duct taped around the edges so NOTHING can get in, you’ll know why.

On a much less terrifying note, my book, A Little Christmas Prayer makes the perfect gift (super low price,too!)  Sometimes it takes a child to raise a village, and this tale teaches anyone, of any faith, the magic of gratitude. Might be good for everyone on your list!