My New Years' Gift to You

           I know Christmas is over, but in my case, the goodies linger.  We are still happily chowing down on fudge, cookies, cakes and pastries. (Yes, I could have made that list longer.)

          It isn’t that we’ve all had excellent willpower; it’s that we’ve accumulated a mountain of delights. I think I told you that when I was a little girl I wanted to be Queen Frostine from Candyland.

          But now that it’s a New Year I need to hunker down and get back to a healthier diet. All was going well until I was out running errands and needed a face mask. I found one in my purse, hurriedly put it on and was suddenly immersed in the scents of chocolate and caramel. YIKES! Busted for eating these the last time I wore the mask!

          So here’s my million-dollar idea for you: Scented Covid Masks!  (Except this one was unintentional and will only make your mouth water.)  But think of fragrances that would help you fight munchies and forget about sugar—I hear mint can work.

Or spray it with an air freshener you like. Think of scented candles. Think of ocean breezes and mountain meadows. Just don’t think of chocolate. Trust me.

You can also trust me to deliver great stories right to you door—check out my books here.

Who Was That Masked Woman?

           Pretend you have a new product to sell. You have a Zoom conference with everyone involved, including the package designer. And this is the single best thing you can say about your product, so you put it on the front of the package:

         Seriously? You can throw this away? Not much of a high water mark, is it?  No bragging about the comfy fit, the effectiveness, the cute design, the washable fabric, the durability. Nope—this thing can be trash in a nano-second.

          Not only that, but isn’t EVERYTHING disposable? I mean, literally, everything?  So we have a redundancy issue as well.

          Some time ago I blogged about a product that claimed to be “Semi-Odorless.”  Semi?  Partially? Not quite?  If you can’t say it’s completely odorless, why bring the matter up?

          Tell me how well these items would sell:

          Jeans: Almost Comfy!

          Cereal: So soggy you won’t even need milk!

          Paint: Fairly Good Coverage

          Toothpaste: Four out of Five Dentists recommend  it (I want to talk to that fifth dentist).

          And how anyone sells a prescription medication with the crazy side effects they list is beyond me. They’re all worse than the malady they’re supposed to treat.  You’ve heard the same list: May cause suicidal tendencies, paralysis, cancer, blurred vision, abdominal swelling, and diarrhea, strokes, and tremors.

          At least the face mask won't send me to the emergency room.

          And you are totally safe buying my books. The worst that can happen is a cramp from laughing. (And be sure to order my VERY inexpensive Christmas short story, A Little Christmas Prayer. Makes a great gift!)