Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Dancing with Joni

        Yep, it’s that time of year when I do my interpretive dance at the local hardware store.

          You already know I love to garden. So this is when I go to the nursery section and load up on huge bags of soil, potted plants and flats of flowers.

          However, to do this I must place them on a wheeled platform called a flatbed. It has a handle, which other shoppers use to navigate up and down the aisles.

          I use the handle as a dance partner, apparently.  So help me, I cannot get the thing to go straight. Back and forth it swerves, like we’re doing a tango or a salsa or maybe the jitterbug.

          And I blame hula.  Seriously, my mother signed me up for hula lessons as a child. Not ballet, something which would have helped my dyspraxia and lack of coordination. Nope, hula it was.

          Mind you, I lived in the snowy Rocky Mountains, causing St. Bob, when he heard about this blunderous enrollment, to say, “When would you ever use it?”

          I’ll tell you when. Every Spring, at the hardware store.

          Thankfully I don’t need to push a cart of any kind in my Youtube Mom videos. Check ‘em out here. And be sure to subscribe to this blog, for weekly reports!

Tuesday, May 10, 2022

How to Beat Murphy's Law

         You know about Murphy. He’s he one with The Law. Or maybe it’s a she. Maybe she came up with the law, and then, fittingly, was never acknowledged as a woman, her own law in force again.

          Murphy’s Law comes into my life whenever I look like a wreck. I’ve been gardening or painting or simply shlubbing around and I decide to run a quick errand.

          Invariably this is when I’ll see five people I know. Even if the supermarket only has five other shoppers in it, I will know them all. And they will look as if they’re on their way to a wedding.             

Or a coronation. 

         So if this ever happens to you, here’s the way to beat Murphy’s Law. When they say, “Oh hi, Joni (only insert your name here),” You say, “You know, I get mistaken for her all the time!  But I’m not Joni. Joni would never be out in public like this. I must be her evil twin or her doppelganger.”

          You’re welcome.

          An even better solution is to stay home. Reading my books.

Tuesday, May 3, 2022

10 Ways You Know You're Getting Old

1.      You see a tiny old woman shopping in the supermarket, and as you get closer you notice she is humming along to the store’s music, which is “Superstition.”

2.     You’re out with your husband and several cashiers say, “You guys are so cute.”

3.     You’re scrolling through the photos on your phone, and a younger woman says proudly, “Look at you, taking pictures with your phone!"

4.    You’re watching Jeopardy! and have no idea what they’re talking about in the “Pop Culture” category.

5.     You’re watching Jeopardy!

You have holiday-themed earrings.

7.     You think about how you’re going to get up if you get down.

8.    You don’t think of your peers for tech help; you think, “Who’s young?” 

9.    You gripe about the side effects in ads for medication.

10.            You read lists like this, to see if you’re old.

But you can feel young again by watching my Youtube Mom videos-- right here.