Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Currying Favor

           I’ve told you before that our four kids are comedians. Not professionally, just happenstance-ily.

          We were on a Facetime call last weekend, all sharing what’s new in our lives, when Nicole mentioned that she is seeing someone, and that he brought curry over and they watched a documentary by a Swedish guy with a Hispanic name.

          “What was in the curry?” everyone wanted to know.  She listed a few ingredients.

          “That’s good that he can cook,” someone said.

          “And why does the Swedish documentary guy have a Spanish name?”

          She pointed out that lots of people who live in Sweden are from somewhere else.

          I frowned. I like the dolls in It’s a Small World to stay in their assigned spots. No hula dancers wiggling off to the igloo area, no one in a sombrero joining the can-can dancers.

          There were more questions about the curry. What kind of rice? How was the meat seasoned?

          Someone asked our daughter-in-law, Tiffany, about her upcoming yoga retreat and she said that her students’ trauma was a heavy thing for them to carry.

          “Especially when they have to carry it doing all those hard poses,” Brandon pointed out.

          Then Cassidy asked Brandon how many kids he has (which is zero), and complimented him on his Dad joke.

          “I like how Nicole mentioned she’s seeing someone, and all anyone asked about was the curry,” I said.

          “Well, and the documentary,” Brandon added. Yes, good point. Another successful family gathering.

Have you seen my latest Youtube Mom videos?  Hundreds of life hacks you can watch right where you’re sitting. With or without your family.

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

World Champion Haggler

          I honestly think St. Bob should come with a warning sign. It would say, “Enter into negotiations with this man at your own risk.”

          He competes at this “game” like it’s the Chiseling Olympics, and he’s defending his gold medal. If he gets even a whiff that a price is negotiable, the day is gone and he will wheedle and bargain until closing time. Had he been born in a country with open markets and flexible prices, I would never see him again.

          But in the U.S. this hobby is pretty much restricted to car dealerships. And heaven help the car salesman who doesn’t match Bob’s talents. It is a point of pride that Bob can finagle a make and model for less money than anyone else you will ever hear of.

          This week he sold his SUV, so the haggling began. Over and over he “walked away.”  At one point he told me he really did want a certain car, so I said, “Then call and tell them.”

          Ha! He looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Whoever calls next loses.”  There’s a method to his madness and he can tell exactly when the salesman is ready to lower the price, throw in a warranty, and include a new set of tires.

          Finally it was over. “Did you get the price you wanted?” I asked.

          “Even lower,” he said. “Plus he threw in new floor mats, a tank of gas, and Sirius FM.”

          Good grief. No wonder he was so good as the host of NBC TV’s Let’s Make a Deal during the 90s. These poor salesmen haven’t got a chance.

          Yes, you can watch episodes of St. Bob wheeling and dealing, but don’t forget to watch a few of my Youtube Mom life hack videos as well!

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

Okay, but.. a Shark?

           Last week California had a record-breaking storm. Buckets of rain, and amazingly, 61-mile-an-hour winds. 70 is a hurricane, so you can imagine tree limbs, roof tiles, and even garbage cans blowing sideways.

          It sounded like a freight train and caused several power outages. At one point I looked out at the front street and there, crumpled up on our lawn, was a shark!

          Okay, a pool shark.

          Okay, not that kind of pool shark. An inflatable one for a swimming pool.

          Although it would have been cool if various sea creatures had blown into the neighborhood, all the way from the coast.

          I ran back to grab my phone and take a picture. But in the few seconds it took, the shark had blown away, probably to San Francisco.

          Maybe those are the real lyrics to the song! I left my shark…. In San Francisco…

          We survived the onslaught with only some fence damage, but somewhere a family is missing its pool floatie.

          Weather-- or sharp teeth-- keeping you inside? That’s a perfect time to watch my Youtube Mom life hacks!

Tuesday, February 6, 2024

You're in a Band?

           We had just gone to bed last night when St. Bob told me his shoulder was hurting again.

          “Aren’t you doing physical therapy for it?” I asked.

          And here’s where the story breaks down. Evidently he went to PT and thought they’d have him lift some weights. 

          But, instead, he was shown how to use one of those wide resistance bands.

“And everybody doing it was about 900 years old and I hate that frickin’ place, so I left.”  (pause) “And I went to Burger King.”

          “But if you’d try what they said to do—”

          “It’s rubber bands!  Rubber bands!” Bob said, getting worked up.

          And now I’m giggling uncontrollably. I can just picture him refusing to join a geriatric group. Bob would rather live in denial than rehab his shoulder.

          He recommends the Double Whopper, no onions, extra pickles.

          And I recommend my Youtube Mom channel here. You might not heal your shoulder, but you’ll learn a lot of life hacks.

Tuesday, January 30, 2024

Who Nose?

           A friend of mine stopped by to visit, and told me she had a “Joni Moment” this week.

          Aha, I thought, time to find out just what that means. Does it mean she thought of a brilliant invention, a life-saving device, a solution to the world’s woes?

          Of course not. She accidentally brushed eyeliner on the end of her nose. She was switching from one eye to the other, got too close, and brushed a wide swath of black on the tip of her nose.

          Mind you, I am sitting there with my own black splotch on the end of my nose. But mine is a scar repair-- from skin cancer--  with stitches, and looks like a little spider with turquoise legs (the thread). I am told to put Vaseline on it twice a day, and that’s how we know it isn’t an actual spider, because it just holds still for this.

          I sighed. I also remembered that whenever I get a hot flash and pick up a fan to wave it, I smack my nose with it.

          So, if you see me sporting a black spot on the end of my nose, you need not worry that I smudged my makeup. I merely had my unicorn horn smoothed out.

          See if you can see it on my Youtube Mom life hack videos right here.


Tuesday, January 23, 2024

Where Bon-Bons Play

            Ahh… a new French bakery came to town.

Of course St. Bob and I had to check it out. The second we walked in, Bob took one look at the rows and rows of goodies and said, “Well, I’ll never see you again.”

          Pastries of all kinds beckoned. We were each given a tray, a sheet of parchment, and a pair of tongs. Like everyone else, we loaded up.  One guy was holding as much as he possibly could:

          Two dozen tables were filled with happy munchers. We sampled a cake, a sweet roll, a fried apple thing, a quiche, and I can’t remember what else.

          Flaky crusts, creamy fillings—it was probably not good to know that this place is rather close to our house.          

Yikes. Pray for me, readers.

          Oh—and watch my Youtube channel. Lots of fun life hacks.


Tuesday, January 16, 2024

Packing it Up

           Most of you have already packed up your holiday d├ęcor. But a friend just called me and said she thinks she needs an intervention. She has way too much Christmas clutter and can’t part with any of it.

          Sound familiar? Just this year I told St. Bob that we should use this “re-packing” opportunity to throw away the stuff we scarcely use anymore.

          I think I came up with two tiny items. Two. Tiny.  You know the theory that you should toss or donate everything which doesn’t bring joy? Well, every bit of this brings joy—that’s its whole purpose.

          “It looks like Santa threw up in my living room,” my friend said.

          I told her I couldn’t come and help because I would bring empty bins, say that I’m loading them up for Goodwill, and then secretly keep them all.

          When I devoted one bedroom to Christmas all year, I used a number of decorations. So, you’d think it would thin down my storage. But no. How do I still have the same number of boxes as before?

          Finally, I came up with the perfect solution and shared it with my pal. “You don’t have too much stuff,” I said. “You have too few houses.”

          And that’s the best I can do.

          But hundreds of quick life hacks can be yours—including ones about organizing—right here on my Youtube Mom channel.

Tuesday, January 9, 2024

Getting Around

             Circles don’t get enough credit for all they do.  This wonderful, round shape has come in handy throughout history.

            Take horse training. If you don’t use a round pen, horses will go into the corner and stop. They are smarter than most people think, and will try to get out of training.

            You get more structural stability with round shape designs; they have given us gears, wheels, and arches.

            They’re all around. We see this favored shape in dishes, plates, clocks, planets, cakes, buttons, camera lenses, pizzas, rings, pies, steering wheels, the tip of a pen, telescopes, microscopes, and even the pupils in your eye, from which you are reading this.

            They keep traffic moving in roundabouts, and they keep manhole covers from falling into the sewer.

          Circles were essential for developing geometry, astronomy, and calculus. The circle symbolizes harmony, eternity, and perfection.

            Last, a circle is the most popular shape for cookies. Need I say more?

            So let’s hear it for the circle! And you can blow through your party whistle which is, yes, also a circular shape.

            Check out my Youtube Mom life hack videos on my channel right here!

Tuesday, January 2, 2024

Christmas Done Wrong

           Folks, just as you were sipping hot chocolate in the soft light of your Christmas tree, or listening to happy carolers at your door, a friend of mine was attending an entirely different kind of Christmas Eve: Her grandson and his wife
got hauled off to jail.

Yes, it was one of those moments when the needle scratches the record and a drunken brawl occurred. Insults were shouted, spit was spat, fists were formed and knuckleheads were knocked. Alcohol, not surprisingly, played a starring role.

          As she was telling me this, I was thinking, “So they probably cancelled the nativity reenactment.” 

          And their four kids were left to wonder just how naughty one has to be, for Santa to boycott their entire event.

          But my friend had already distributed gifts, and when she called me I assured her that, 20 years from now, this will be the hilarious story those kids tell.

I gave her the advice I give all innocent bystanders: “Get some chocolate ice cream, sit down in a comfy chair, put your feet up, and watch whatever you want on television. You had no part in this.”

And you know what? That’s exactly what she did. Well played, Grandma.

She’s probably watching one of my Youtube Mom life hack videos right now!