Fat Friends Wanted

           Seriously, I have got to make fatter friends. For some reason, many of my friends are teensy and petite. 

          They hover around 5 feet tall, whereas I am average: 5’ o7”.  They weigh less than 100 pounds, whereas I weigh, um, more than that. 😊

           Every photo I’ve been in lately shows me looking like Gulliver, with tiny people around me.

                 If I had fatter and taller friends, I could be the cute, little pixie in the picture. Even my daughter-in-law is like a miniature person. She looks like a teenager, but she's actually 33.

         Where do these wee folk shop? The children’s department? Do they buy kid-sized hangers? Do they purchase children-sized sunglasses? 

When they sit down, do their feet always swing? How do they reach the top shelves in the supermarket? How do they buy bracelets that don’t fall off? 

          Do they not know about ice cream or pie? Do they have no good recipes?  Do they run down the street on purpose?

          I love my friends. But they need to realize it’s okay if there’s more of them to love. You know what I mean?  Eat something already!

Okay, I am not morbidly obese, just bigger than my buddies. See for yourself here, on my Youtube Mom channel. Check out the hundreds of life hacks on there, and be sure to subscribe!

Just Taste This

          There is much to be learned at Costco, isn’t there?  That ice cream will melt by the time you reach the actual cash register, that a drum of detergent might not be easy to lift, that no one will ever eat that many green olives, and, above all, that people love free samples.

          I was there a few days ago and saw people clamoring for lunch—I mean, for samples—of everything from chili to chips to cauliflower bites to cheese dip to candy to creamy potato salad (wait—did everything have to start with C?)

          And it occurred to me that anything served in a small enough portion will taste good.  Even the worst concoction in the world—if reduced to an appetizer size—is somehow palatable.

          You want a little bite of sponge, drizzled with motor oil?  You could actually eat that at Costco and think, “Hmm… not bad.”

          How about a sip of a snake venom smoothie?  “Tastes like chicken,” folks will say.

If you’re trying to eat healthy foods, you can justify a tiny bite of a hot dog, right?  And dang, that was pretty tasty!

There is something in our brains that tells us tiny is good—a tiny assignment at work is okay, a tiny phone call scarcely interrupts us, a tiny delay on the road is fine, a tiny baby animal is always adorable.

But make food tiny and whammo!  You’ve got a hit.  That is, if it’s also free.  You’ll notice people don’t like to actually pay for tiny food, and will complain at a restaurant if the portions are too small.  But put those same portions in a little paper cup at Costco, and people will be blissfully satisfied.

It’s the appetizer enigma.  Which is why I shall end this blog right now, and maybe you’ll think it’s even better than it really is.

Check out my very short, very tiny, but very informative YouTube Mom videos, too.  You can find them right here with just one tiny click.

A Tiny Thanksgiving Idea

          I love tiny things—tiny kitten noses, tiny paw prints, tiny little compartments that hold tiny little treasures.  I think it’s my childlike (not childish, mind you) outlook.  Whatever.

          One of my most popular YouTube Mom videos is about my fairy garden, here, again loaded with miniature things a tiny fairy would love.  Maybe I read the children’s book series,The Littles, at an impressionable age.

          And so I am sharing an original idea of mine that won the Grand Prize in a huge, national cooking contest.  It’s a miniature Thanksgiving cornucopia, entirely edible, and exactly the size for one serving. Notice, in the picture, that it's on a dinner plate.

This is perfect for folks who don’t want to cook a whole turkey, but it’s also great for entertaining house guests before and after the actual holiday, when you still need a main course.        

          I came up with the concept based on another idea of mine.  For years I’ve been wrapping bread dough around a greased cone of aluminum foil, then brushing it with egg yolk, and baking it to make a wonderful, edible cornucopia centerpiece.  After it baked, I would remove the scrunched up foil that held it in the cone shape, and fill it with sugar-glazed grapes, apples, and persimmons, and it was always a fun tradition.

          Then I got the idea to make tiny, individual ones.  Only instead of using bread dough, I’d use strips of turkey meat, and then make the filling out of savory stuffing and little veggies cut to look like fruit.  Tell me this is not a knock-out idea.  Okay, do not tell me that because I won’t listen; I know it’s a knock-out idea.

          You can see, in the top photo, that I used a melon baller to make ball shapes from cooked yams and purple potatoes, and threw in some cranberries and blueberries as well.  Totally edible, totally darling.  Just cut strips of turkey breast, wrap them around a small cone of foil, hold them in place with toothpicks, and bake until golden brown.  (I first wrap the foil with parchment paper to prevent the meat from sticking to the foil.) The complete recipe is here.         

          Tiny is a wonderful thing.  Except when it comes to desserts.  Pies should be cut into quarters, cakes into thick slabs, and cookies should always come in threes.

If you’ve never visited my website or bought my books, now is the time!  All your Christmas shopping can be done in just a few clicks!