Saving the World Again

         You know how I tend to solve all your problems? Okay not all of them. Maybe some of them.  I told you to shoot seeds from a gun, for easier planting. And I gave you tech support here. I even told you my secret for hanging wallpaper.

          And now I’m saving you—and the world—with my solution to the power grid crisis. Yes, even Forbes magazine published warnings of energy fragility just this last September, citing electric vehicles, AI, internet traffic, and rising electricity demands in all areas.

          So, here’s the secret: Everything should be glow in the dark. Imagine it—roads, street lights, cars, homes, buildings, walkways, closets—everywhere we now think has to be lit with the flip of a switch, could simply glow instead.

          I know, I know, you’re remembering Marie Curie and thinking such radiation is dangerous. But times have changed. (Warning: Scientific explanation coming up.)

Tritium, a radioactive isotope of hydrogen, replaced the radium in the phosphor dyes that used to coat the dials of clocks and watches.  Now it’s relatively safe, as it doesn’t emit alpha particles.  As long as you don’t eat it or chew on it, no worries!

          Things made of photoluminescent phosphors are also safe. Ditto glow in the dark products that use non-toxic phosphors like zinc sulfide or strontium aluminate. Glow sticks that break and release liquid can irritate eyes and mouths, so (duh) keep from children.

          Imagine how much electricity we could save with these amazing products! Your light bill could almost vanish. Once again, my brain has delivered a sure-fire solution for the future. I just need one of you to take it and run.

AND… don’t forget to buy this super inexpensive but timeless classic of mine for Christmas presents!

Where are the the Women?

    I recently told you about St. Bob becoming The Diet Coke Man. And if you have any friends who love Diet Coke, you will know that they absolutely swear by McDonald’s for having the best soda in a cup.

          Quick science lesson so you’ll know why:  To make up for melting ice that dilutes the flavor, Mickey D’s increases their syrup-to-water ratio. They also use filtered water and they keep it ice cold. Apparently, carbon dioxide dissolves and stays gaseous in super cold liquid. Thus, freshly jazzed up Diet Coke from McDonald’s is snappier, crispier, and spicier.

          So… I agreed to accompany said addict to the Golden Arches and while sitting there—okay, having a soft ice cream cone—I looked around and noticed several single men sitting at the tables. But no women.  Zero women by themselves. This whole idea of men whiling away their breakfast time at McDonald’s does not seem to appeal to women.

          I looked up studies, but none addressed this phenomenon, so I am left to speculate. Wildly, if I wish. Here are my theories:

          When men retire, they’re often at loose ends—what to do? Where to go?  Somebody else has been running the home, so they wander about and finally go get an Egg McMuffin. Women in retirement seem to stay much busier somehow (are we all shopping?)

          Also, while women may indeed enjoy fast food, they’re more likely to get it at the drive-through, rather than sit inside and eat alone. We’re more social and will go to lunch with friends, but we are reluctant to dine alone.

          So there you have it—the answer to the mysteriously strong flavor of Diet Coke at McDonald’s AND the explanation of the weird demographics inside McDonald’s in the mornings.  You’re welcome.

Hey, put down that Coke and subscribe to my Youtube Mom channel,--you’re missing hundreds of quick life hacks!  And... you can get some Christmas shopping done right here!

Miss Taken Identity

           Well, I’m mad again. Not super mad, just eye-rolling mad. I got a message from a Facebook friend who said she loves the pictures from “Bob’s garden.”

          Alright, let’s get this straight. I’m the one who weeds, plants, waters, prunes, deadheads, fertilizes—and when something blooms, Bob takes a picture of it. Which I post.  And which, apparently, implies that this makes it “Bob’s garden.”  

          This is not Bob’s garden. This is sweaty, exhausted Joni’s garden.

          It’s like the Saturday morning when I fired up the heavy electric trimmer, which looks like a chainsaw:

          And I trimmed the entire creeping fig vine which covers our garage and a couple of walls:

          Piles of clippings were on the ground, and I handed the trimmer to Bob so I could go and get a rake.  No sooner had I done this, than our friends, Jason and Debbie, came around the corner, jogging.

          “Hey, great job!” Jason shouted to Bob.

          Bob waved and smiled. I stood there, aghast at the timing. I had been trimming for hours, and in one quick second, Bob got all the credit!

          After our friends were gone, Bob looked at me and asked, “Oh—did you want to hold this?”  And then I think he realized it would be best not to hand it to me.

But you can see me in a sunnier disposition on all of my Youtube Mom videos. Hundreds of quick life hacks-- be sure to subscribe!