To Bee or Not to Bee

          Well, well, well. Here’s the latest in my attempt to encourage pollinators. Besides planting a zillion flowers

 
          I have hung three bee hotels, which have attracted several kinds of bees. Here they are supposed to rest, sleep, and raise babies.

 (Dark, evil music plays here.)  Narrator: But Joni forgot about Blue Jays.

Yes, indeed. Turns out the hummingbird is not the only one that can hover in place. Blue birds do the same thing in front of bee hotels, where they stick their beaks into the holes and EAT whatever’s in there. Like these are birdfeeders.

           It’s useless to wave them away; they just come back once you’re gone.

If you look them up, you get no indication of the dastardly lives they lead. You learn that they can imitate hawks, that they’re members of the corvid family (more like Corleone), which means they’re almost as smart as Ravens and Crows. This is not necessarily a good thing. That’s why we have the phrase, “Criminal mastermind.”

You’ll read that they form tight family bonds (again, like the Corleones), and they travel together in flocks called bands. As in Band of Robbers. I’m surprised it’s not called a gang.

            They’re even wearing a disguise!  That blue you see?  Totally fake. It’s actually brown, but the feathers scatter light to make them look blue. I am not making this up.

I thought about taking down the bee hotels. But then I realized I can put them behind chicken wire to keep the Blue Jays out.  Nanner,  nanner, Nature.

I have hundreds of other life hacks you’ll enjoy right here, on my Youtube Mom channel.  

Now Hair This!

           They say (the great They) that “life is a series of challenges and disasters, but eventually you find a hairdresser you like.” Why is it so hard to simply find a good stylist, right?

          But I finally found one—a hairdresser that listens to me, and gives me what I want, without an argument.

          Sounds so simple, right? But I’ve had hairdressers speak to me as if I’m a child (That’s not how toner works. Let me explain how toner works…),

           and as if I’m an old woman (you know, as we age, we need to embrace more neutral colors…)

          I even took my cancer wigs (!!) to one hairdresser, to show her the highlights I’m talking about. Even that didn't work.

          At last, after a string of disasters, I finally found a stylist (on April Fool's Day, of all things!) who gave me the right color, the right low-lights and the right high-lights.

            So here it is, like it or hate it, I'm sticking with it.

                 You can uncover secret life hacks by subscribing to my Youtube Mom channel right here!

Feeling Sheepish?

           We all know moths lay eggs on your wool clothing, and then their larvae hatch and eat holes in your clothes, right? 

So… enquiring mind here… why aren’t there clouds of moths over every herd of sheep?  I mean, that’s where there’s a surplus of wool, right?

          I know you’ve been wondering the same thing, so I researched it for you, and here’s the skinny: A moth can be carrying 200 eggs, but she’ll only leave them in motionless places. Sheep, though slow, are on the move. 

Turns out moth larvae (who also eat silk, cotton, angora, and other fibers which contain keratin) like their dinners undisturbed.

          So, in addition to keeping your wool sweaters scrupulously clean, you should wear them often. I don’t know about you, but this makes me picture people wearing layers of sweaters, just to prevent egg-hatching.

Or, since larvae like wool clothes that are kept in drawers and closets where it’s dark and still, should we display our wool items near a sunny window, and riffle through them a few times a day?? 

My final advice is simply to store your sweaters in the freezer, which will kill any sneaky eggs. Now, if you still want to know more fascinating facts about sheep, I wrote a blog about them here.

And another blog about actually SHEARING one, here.

I also show you how to fold and store your sweaters here, in one of my short Youtube Mom life hack videos. So many places to click!

The Mighty Jungle

           You’ve heard the song, The Lion Sleeps Tonight, with a chorus that sounds like “A-weem-a-wack, a-weem-a-wack,” right?  (It’s actually wimoweh, in case you’re going on Jeopardy! soon.)

          Well, I think the makers of Neem Oil have missed a grand opportunity to advertise, changing weem to Neem, and reminding folks that it truly does whack pests in the garden.

          You know I’m an avid gardener (we’ve torn out our front lawn and I’m currently replacing it with flowers—more on that later), and I try to encourage pollinators and use nature-friendly pesticides.

So I’ve been spraying super safe Neem oil on aphids for years and finally realized I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A NEEM IS. I picture a tubby hippo-looking creature from the Amazon.

          But no. It’s made from the seeds of the Azadirachta indica tree (and now you have a new idea for your password). Native to India, some call it the Indian Lilac.

          But get this: It isn’t just for getting rid of pests—it’s also diluted for use in skin and hair products! Even in toothpaste. (Although it can be toxic for kids and babies, so buyer beware). And it has a garlicky scent, so there’s that.

          And now you know what you’ve been spraying, all these years.

There’s much more to know—check out hundreds of life hacks on my short Youtube Mom videos here!

Don’t Get Your Peonies in a Bunch

        

          Ah, yes, Springtime. Since I belong to an online gardening group, there is much ado about Peonies right now.

          They’re the favorite of millions, the subject of countless paintings, and usually cost a bit more than roses at the florist shop. So, naturally, one member was wondering how long they live.

          I thought I’d help by dictating “How long do peonies live?” into my phone.

          But auto-correct was waiting for me. It thought I said, “How long do pennies last?” as if I am unaware that copper is basically indestructible. In fact, I’ll bet there aren’t three people in a decade who ask this. 

          My friends, you can keep pennies forever. They’ve recently been fired from our currency, but no one is coming by to gather them up. In fact, I wrote a blog about this eleven years ago, predicting their uselessness.

          So I tried again, and asked how long your peonies will last.  Ah, this time autocorrect thought I asked how long PANTIES will last, as if I have no idea that you should purchase several pair, and wash them after each use. Am I now on some kind of FBI hygiene list because of that question?

 

           Well, third time’s a charm (and I swear I am not mis-pronouncing peonies, by the way), and I finally got the answer we’ve all been waiting for: They can live up to 100 years. Now, wasn’t that a surprise worth waiting for?

My Youtube Mom channel is filled with wonderful info, as well. Check out my life hacks right here.

Go Ahead, Look Like a Tourist!

           What’s with all these videos we’re seeing on social media, telling us how  NOT to look like a tourist in France, Italy, and beyond?  It’s as if nothing could be more horrifying than to reveal that you’re from somewhere else.

          I’ve even seen suggestions that we try to look like the French, which, when I was there in November, looked like this:

Seriously, if you can afford to travel overseas, you should be welcomed and celebrated—you’re building their economy! It’s prestigious to be a tourist, not shameful. You don’t have to be in disguise. Besides, what if you actually do fool them, and they think you are from there? Maybe they even ask which city. Then you have to confide that you’re been perpetrating a fraud the whole time.

Yes, it’s always wonderful to learn and use as much of the local language as possible. It makes travel more fun. But it’s not because we’re ashamed of where we live. And it’s great to be as courteous and well-mannered as possible, which also makes travel, and living in general, more fun. Making new friends is half the thrill of traveling.

I know that when I detect an English—or other-- accent when I’m out and about, I always stop to see if they’re visiting, and welcome them heartily, recommending things for them to see and do.

Imagine posting a snobby list of things to make you seem more American, for folks in Europe. Insulting, right? So be yourselves, my friends. Be proud of who you are!

And don’t miss my many travel tips on my Youtube Mom channel!

Sock it to Me?

           I’ll admit it; I like cute socks. And goodness knows, there are plenty out there.

          But here’s my gripe: Too many of them have the cute part where you can never see it!

          Here’s one of my favorite pair:

 

        And here's another. It says, "I'm silently correcting your grammar."

          But unless you wear it with shorts, which I would never do, no one will get to read it. (And they might be silently correcting my fashion choice.) When I wear shorts it’s usually during warm weather, so I wear sandals.

          And the rest of the time, I wear long pants. Thus all the clever “tops” are covered.

          If it’s Christmas and cold, you can pretty much guarantee they’ll be hidden under long pants, if not boots, to boot.

          So you’ll just have to assume that if you see me wearing socks, there is something pretty brilliant written on the top part.

 Have you subscribed to my Youtube Mom channel, yet? Hundreds of quick, easy life hacks. What are you waiting for?