Not a Fan

 

          I do not like you, Thermostat.

          I do not like you, that is that.

          You give me cold when I want heat,

          You warm my face and freeze my feet.

          Okay, so this wouldn’t be the top-selling children’s book. But it’s true! I am engaging in Wall Warfare with the stupid little box that has all kinds of complicated buttons on it to set and then hold the temperature.

          Because it chooses its own number, I have been forced to purchase a neck fan,

          An electric standing fan,

          A window unit,

          Multiple hand fans,

            And an electric blanket.

           Meanwhile, we continue to pay for home heating and air conditioning. I’m ready to install a simple wall dial that I can set at one temperature, day or night, winter or summer.  Is that asking too much?

Hey, simplify your own life, along with 10K subscribers, by watching my Youtube Mom channel, filled with easy life hacks!

Do Not Give Me a Ring

       Our daughter agreed to watch someone’s pets while they were away. I sent her a text, asking how it was going and here’s what she wrote back:

          The dog is highly neurotic and has a piercing bark that makes the metal in the house ring. But there’s a cute cat.

          Can you imagine?  Think of all the metal in your home. Let’s start with your computer. How about doorknobs and hinges?  An entire oven. 

Faucets, curtain rods, pots and pans,

jewelry, chairs, blenders, light fixtures,

we could do this all day. And every bit of it is ringing!

          I’m thinking you should not only offer your guests earplugs, but those giant headphones that can block noise.

          I would be falling onto the couch and covering my head with cushions.

          But our sweet daughter always looks on the bright side and points out the cute cat.  

           She’s definitely the one for this job.

There is no easy life hack for a ringing house. But there are hundreds of others right here on my Youtube Mom channel. Join 10K other subscribers!

CATasrophe

           I am stunned. Astonished, amazed, dumbfounded, speechless (okay, I’m never actually speechless), appalled, shocked, and a little offended.

          There are some neighbor cats who apparently do not like me. 

         Yes. There, I’ve said it--- words I never thought would enter my mind. I have always had a way with cats, even feral cats, yet there are five cats belonging to my French neighbors at the back of our house, who will not come close.

          I have made kitty sounds, gently called them, and I even bought cat toys and scattered them over my patio.

I have not fed them, because I am a good neighbor and do not want to steal these cats, I just want to be friends with them.

          They have no fear about coming into my yard to use it as a passageway to my street. They may even think it’s an extension of their own yard. But when I come to the door—they streak back up the hill as if I’m cocking a gun.

          I have placed cardboard boxes with little doorways in my yard.

          I have rolled jingly plastic balls across the walkways.

          I have dangled strings of yarn for them to chase.

          My next plan? French lessons.

          Meanwhile, you can watch short life hacks with my 10K subscribers to my Youtube Channel right here. None of them tell you how to befriend scaredy cats.   

Not Funny

            Our wonderful kids were in town for my birthday, and first gave me this card:

        Okay, pretty funny. But then... there is a LIFE RULE we must all follow, but which I forgot about, and broke while my kids were in town: Never tip your hand.

          This means that if you are afraid of some creature, you do not reveal this, or you will be tormented by versions of this animal popping up in what your family thinks are hilarious moments.

          Remember when I told you about meerkats?  You can read that blog here, and I recommend it because it is hilarious:

https://jonihilton.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-sorry-truth-about-meerkats.html

              Yes, I came home to find a little meerkat family figurine in a plate
of ketchup.

              I’ve also shared a personal, scary bat story here, which you must read next: https://jonihilton.blogspot.com/2025/08/batting-thousand.html

              And now, while my darling family is in town for my surprise birthday, somehow the subject of bats comes up and I relay the bat story.

              So, they all head off to the supermarket to shop, and what do I see when I walk into the family room?

               What supermarket sells stuffed bats?  It sounds like a dreadful appetizer, doesn’t it?  Anyway, this one’s kind of cute, I have to admit. (And next time, I'm telling them I'm afraid of chocolate ice cream.)

While you’re still sitting down, join 10K others and watch my Youtube Mom videos here. Hundreds of quick life hacks.

A True Birthday Surprise

           I told St. Bob I didn’t want a fuss for my birthday. Just let it come and go, you know? So he said he’d take me to a hotel downtown for a timeshare dinner, then we’d stay overnight, have breakfast, and come home. Easy peasy, (even queasy, if you think about the timeshare pitch).

          So… off we go. Turns out to be a very nice hotel, with a two-story lobby. As we are in line to check in, Bob points to the balcony above us. “What’s that?” he asks.  I look up.  I see these people waving from the balcony:

          Every one of our kids is there, two have flown in. Our DIL-to-be is there. Friends we’ve had for 50 years have also flown in, and all of them are standing there, waving.

          I thought I’d faint. So many people I love, just like going into Heaven. At least that’s how I imagine it. Here are my 6'4" sons:

Here are all of us, with St. Bob, daughter Nicole, and future DIL, Melissa:

         We visit and catch up with everyone:

          AND THEN… he takes us all to The Kitchen, a Michelin Star restaurant where you’re served course after course (a dozen courses?) of incredible food. It takes four glorious hours. These are just a few samples:

          I’ve never had such a wonderful surprise. Turned out I really did want a fuss.  Thank you, St. Bob!

As long as you’re sitting down, why not join 10K subscribers and watch some of my Youtube Mom videos?

Holey Moley?

         Remember my idea to tear out my lawn and replace it with a flower garden?

  Well, not only do the pollinators love it, but someone else:

          I saw a garter snake twice, so I thought it might be a snake burrow. (And you love garter snakes because they eat pests.)   But it's unlikely he made the tunnels, because they like someone else to create the burrow first. So that narrows it down to some other critter.

         Also, there are four or five of these holes and I’m getting suspicious. We are now talking tunnels. So I looked it up, and since there are no piles of dirt, that rules out gophers, ground squirrels, and  moles. By the way, did you know a mole is not a rodent? Aha… the things you learn in Joniopolis.

          I see no vanishing of vegetation, so that thickens the plot. Rodents would be eating the plants.  Maybe it's a vole.

          What is a vole, you ask? Aha. It looks very much like a field mouse, can’t climb very well (it’s somewhat plus-size), and it can gobble up lots of roots and bulbs. It is also repelled (you’ll love this) by fox or coyote urine, which apparently can be purchased at nurseries.

          So… I’m off to get laughed at, at the nursery.  You get to stay home and enjoy my Youtube Mom videos with 10K other subscribers.

Do I Really Kneed This?

           Here is what happens if you have a knee replacement and you live with Bob Hilton. First, he will use your walker as a footrest while enjoying some cookies. You will post this picture on Facebook, and many of your friends will think he had the knee replacement, and will wish him a speedy recovery.

      

    Next, he will make an AI video of you DANCING—yes, dancing—with said walker. To view this video, simply visit https://www.facebook.com/joniopolis

You will be twirling about, lifting the contraption over your head, and singing along with Michael Jackson’s Beat It. Once again, you post it, but many of your friends think it’s still Bob who had the surgery, and Bob’s walker that you're dancing with. 

Others will think it’s real, and that you have made a miraculous recovery.

          Both are wrong, so you decide to have a bowl of chocolate ice cream 

          Whether recovering from surgery or not, you can sit and enjoy my Youtube Mom videos, along with 10K other subscribers.