Tuesday, July 1, 2025

Snap to it!

           Okay, I have a zillion dollar idea for you. Be at the leading edge of a new trend that will sweep the world: A line of clothes that only snap.

          Yes, folks, bump the buttons to the bin!

          The other day I put on one of St. Bob’s shirts, which closes with snaps.  Much faster to put on than having to find the button holes and pulling the button through.

          But the bonanza was that night when I took it off—pop, pop, pop and DONE.  My mind began calculating how many days of my life I have wasted fussing with buttons.

          And then what if a button falls off?  A big hassle to find it (or find a replacement) and then sew it back on. Snaps don’t do this. They stay on and make life more joyful with their happy little sound.


          You feel like a spy, or a stage actor, suddenly ripping off your disguise in two seconds. It’s magical. And logical. Why have we fallen for the Button Barons all these years?


          And why do you think babies’ onesies close with buttons? Because nobody wants to fool with time-consuming, frustrating buttons when dressing a wiggly baby.

          So now you know a side gig you can have, which could grow into an empire.  You’re welcome. (And let me know, so I can buy your snappy clothes!)

Even more amazing tips await you at my Youtube Mom channel. Be sure to subscribe!

Tuesday, June 24, 2025

Laser Focus on This, Will You?

           You know those guys who have a white beard all year so they can play Santa?


          Well, I must be hoping to play Rudolph, because I’ve had a red nose since my MOHS skin cancer surgery 6 years ago.

          It’s become redder and redder, so I finally decided to get laser treatment. The doctor couldn’t have been kinder, smarter, or faster (you know I like fast).

          “I can do it right now,” she said. “It will feel like the snap of a rubber band.”

          THIS WAS THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY.  It did not feel like a rubber band. More like a marching band.  Seriously, it felt like sticking your nose into a wasp’s nest. And we have to admit, the stings would serve you right. 

          I nearly jumped out of my chair. She had to tell me to stop holding my breath. The pain was excruciating, but then you know I have big baby nerve endings, and even sipping a soda feels too prickly to me.

          Finally a cold pack came, then a cooling cream, and I was on my way home. I should expect two or three weeks of keeping gel on it and avoiding the public.

But I did not actually plan for this procedure today, because right now I have a dental appointment, followed by a temple appointment. Then tomorrow a bone scan, visitors, then a dinner engagement with another couple. And on the third day I’m delivering a meal to someone in the church, followed by a big party for the women that night.

On it goes, swollen nose, oh such woes, to my toes, no photos, I must close.

But, lucky you, you can sit and enjoy life hacks on my Youtube Mom videos. By the way, I’m trying to get 10K subscribers, so please sign up and tell your friends to do the same. 😊

Tuesday, June 17, 2025

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor

           Oh my gosh. Last night my dreams were literally interrupted by commercials. Seriously—one was for insurance (got plenty, thanks) and the other was for dog food (and we do not currently have a dog).

          How is this possible? I mean, I’m dreaming along and suddenly someone else is in charge? And that someone is from Madison Avenue and they want to sell me something in the middle of the night?

          These were great dreams and I wanted to continue with them. But no, I had to stop and watch COMMERCIALS!  With no fast-forward button.  It was crazy!

          Our daughter, a therapist, thinks I’m neuro-divergent. St. Bob agrees.  He says it’s not a complaint, but that I tend to think “Superman fast,” way ahead of present time. He says I ask a question, but while the person is answering I have often moved on and even forget what question I had asked.

          When someone comes to me with a problem, rather than listen and slowly try to help them, I come up with twenty solutions and then want to move on.

          If someone is speaking too slowly, my eyes widen like I’m being tortured (and I am. I literally want to scream and fall to the floor).

          So you can imagine the agony of having to watch two entire commercials before I could return to my dream. Talk about a nightmare.

Awake in the night? This is a perfect time to watch—and subscribe to—my Youtube Mom channel! Hundreds of QUICK life hacks.

Tuesday, June 10, 2025

Sole Searching

           You’re arriving at an elegant restaurant, a lovely wedding, a quiet church meeting and suddenly--- greeep!  One of your shoes starts squeaking.


          At the moment I have two shoes that squeak, in two different pairs! A local shoe repair guy couldn’t even fix them.

          So, Step One: Form a conspiracy theory. Maybe someone snuck into my closet and installed a listening device, because spies probably want to know what I’m saying. And it just happens to squeak.

          Step Two: Fill the problem shoe with baby powder, then shake it out. Hey, it works with squeaky wood floors. (Does not work with shoes).

          Step Three: Turn up the music so loud that no one can hear anyone’s shoes, creaky knees, or burping. But you might need earplugs.


          Or, just look at the silver lining (and if my shoes had silver linings, that might solve it!): At least it’s better than screaming.

Have you subscribed to my Youtube Mom channel yet? If not, you are missing incredibly wonderful life hacks—check it out!

Tuesday, June 3, 2025

Have You Arrived, Yet?


           Yesterday I think I got 14 appointment reminder calls. It was either 14 or 140—after 5 I stop counting. For any appointment whatsoever, we are now barraged with reminders about it.

Even as you are driving, they want you to take your eyes off the road and let them know if you’re on your way. It’s computerized once you’re in the system, and they’ll never stop yanking on your sleeve.

But I have an idea. What if we call them to see if they remember that we have an appointment?  Every day leading up to the appointment, we call. Here’s how it would go:

Monday: Hi, this is Joni Hilton. Just confirming my appointment on Friday.

Same thing Tuesday through Thursday. The receptionist is getting testy, now, and says, “Yes, I already told you we have it scheduled.”

But on Friday, you call that morning to confirm again. Hi, it’s Joni Hilton just making sure you have me down for two o’clock.

(Grand sigh). Yes, two o’clock, Joni.


            Then on your way, you pull over and call again. I’m on my way!

Once there, one more call. Now I’m here and I’m heading up the elevator.

Finally you get in to see the doctor and he lowers his voice, trying to be courteous.  “You know, you don’t need to call every day when you have an appointment. The girls are very busy.”

Exactly, my friend.

In between reminder calls, you can watch my Youtube Mom videos for wonderful life hacks!

Tuesday, May 27, 2025

AMAZING NEWS!

           I am gob-smacked. Wait until you hear this fabulous news.  First, St. Bob took me to McDonald’s for a soft serve vanilla ice cream cone.  It was a hot day and I lapped it up like a grateful rescue dog.

          And then he smiled and said, “Want another one?”  OH. MY. GOSH.  Have you ever, in your life, considered this?  Folks, we can have TWO. Just because you’ve stopped at one for your entire life, doesn’t mean you have to continue.


          You can actually go up to the counter and order another. The Ice Cream Police will not burst in and arrest you.

          My eyes must have looked like this:


          And there was a lovely bonus. A hubby who isn’t always trying to get you to slim down.  Ahhh… Heavenly.

I’m pretty sure you can eat ice cream and simultaneously watch my Youtube Mom channel for quick life hacks.

Tuesday, May 20, 2025

Almost Crazy

           Yesterday I was driving along behind a car that had a sticker on the back which said, Santa Girl.

          Well, kindred spirit, here!  I have an entire guest bedroom, as you recall, decorated for Christmas year-round.


         I smiled and thought, “Maybe I’ll follow her and tell her I’m a Santa girl, too!”  Or I could pull up beside her, motion for her to roll down her window, and shout the same thing.

          Folks, you will be glad I did not do either of those things. As I followed her for a few more blocks, I realized the sticker (written in a very difficult font, by the way) actually said, “Santa Cruz.” 

         
This is a beach town about 2 and ½ hours away, known for its amusement park boardwalk, surfing, and lovely beaches.  


Apparently she likes that more than Christmas. What is the world coming to?

Stay home where you cannot mis-read bumper stickers, and watch my Youtube Mom channel, full of quick life hacks.