Tuesday, October 26, 2021

Passport Pastime

        Six months ago Bob learned that his passport now needed to say Robert, instead of Bob, after all these years. No problem, we weren’t traveling to Italy until October. So in April he filled out the forms, told them our travel dates, and was assured there was no need to expedite; our trip was waaay out. Bob made a few trips to the local passport office, just to be sure everything was in order.

          Just like in a cartoon—only in real time—the calendar pages flipped until it was finally September. Still no passport had arrived. Are you kidding me? The passport office in San Francisco—our local headquarters for this-- said they had it there (did they need a postage stamp? C’mon!) and would call when it was mailed.

          Bob made an appointment within their 72-hour window to pick up his passport on October 4th. We needed to leave on October 6th. This was getting down to the wire. Everything else, including COVID testing, was done.

Traffic was heavy, so he allowed 3 hours to drive to San Francisco. He arrived just two minutes before his appointment time. And what did they tell him?  That they had already mailed it and it should be arriving exactly NOW.  Which it did. No phone call. Passport is at home,  St. Bob is in San Francisco!


So now he had no choice but to drive over the Golden Gate Bridge, 

get a strawberry ice cream cone, 

and make the long trek home. Yes, folks, these are your tax dollars at work.

          Consolation?  His passport photo is pretty darn cute, if you ask me.

And while you wait until next week to hear what happened in Italy, you can buy my books and watch my Youtube Mom videos!

Tuesday, October 19, 2021

Secret Food Codes

        We’ve all seen ‘em. Expiration dates on our food. Here’s one I bought a couple of weeks ago: 

         Oddly specific, don’t you think? So at  1:09 AM  it’s safe and at the stroke of 1:10  it’s poisonous?

          But at least you can read it. Some labels are too small to read, even with a magnifying glass. Or they’re smudged. Or they make you question the reliability of your source of information:

    I researched this for you, and it turns out that there are no federal requirements for food dates. Each state does its own thing. (Infant formula is the exception.)

          And “sell by” isn’t even a message for us! It has nothing to do with food safety, it’s just note to the retailers to help them stock shelves.

          “Best by” is just a suggestion, it turns out. Yeah, it might be absolutely freshest by that date, but still perfectly edible after.

          All this confusion just leaves me with one thought: As long as nobody stamps an expiration date on me, I’m okay.

Great news: None of the life hacks on my Youtube channel will expire! 

Tuesday, October 12, 2021

St. Bob's Latest Invention

         Raise your hand if you have trouble seeing at night. Okay, that looks like everybody. Seriously, we’re not cats, with that extra reflective deal behind their retinas. They also have more rods, whereas we have more cones.

          TMI? Well, what would you prefer—an ice cream rod or an ice cream cone? I think we made the right choice.

          And speaking of night vision, did you know dogs have the same vision as cats? Well, almost. That’s fine with me. I’ll take opposable thumbs any day.

          But seeing well at night becomes an issue when we’re driving, blinded by oncoming headlights. There are yellow glasses that claim to help a bit.

But St. Bob has come up with the perfect solution. We were walking across a parking lot when suddenly one of his lenses fell out of the frames. He instantly realized he could now have both day and night vision.

 I married a genius.

          You can also watch my Youtube Mom videos, or read my books with such brilliant glasses. Try it and see!

Tuesday, October 5, 2021

Funny Business

         If you’re a frequent reader, you know that all our kids are hilarious.

And quick. We’re planning a trip with them and I can’t wait.

          Meanwhile, here’s a sampling of what I can look forward to:

          (On a Zoom call, trying to plan the next one):

          Cassidy: Seven is okay, but that would be 8 o’clock here.

          Richie: Oh, that’s right. Because you live in the future.

          (Texting when I thanked them for the new computer they gave me for my birthday):

          Cassidy: Glad it’s better than the last one! A big thank you goes to Richie for seeing you needed it and knowing what to get you as well.

          Brandon: Fine. Thank you Richie.

          These are the same monkeys who try to come up with the most ridiculous things imaginable, when we go around the Thanksgiving table and say what we’re grateful for.

          And who made me worry through a whole vacation.

          And who used a fake name at a solemn ceremony.

          And who cracked joke after joke about my chemo.

           And who ruined all my clothes by giving them crazy names.

          I can only imagine what lies in store when we get all these kids together. Stay tuned!

          Meanwhile, check out my website where you can find all my books and a link to my Youtube Mom videos!