Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Wake Me Up When it's Over

          I have another blockbuster idea. It came about as I was texting our son, Brandon, and kvetching about chemotherapy. Here’s how that went:
          Me: Did I tell you I got tonsillitis because of my low white cell count due to the chemo? So I’m on antibiotics for that, now.
          Brandon: No way! Ugh, it’s like injury to injury!
          Me: I know, right? I’m 11 days out from the infusion and still having strong side effects. We’re going to wait 3 weeks between infusions now, instead of 2.
          Brandon: Wow, yeah. It would be constant side effects otherwise, huh?
          Me: It would. I told Dad I’d prefer to be put into a medically induced coma until the side effects wear off and I’m not kidding.
          Brandon: I don’t understand why that isn’t an option. Wake me up when it’s over.
          Me: Totally. It’s not like I can go anywhere, anyway. I’m basically quarantined.
          Brandon: And there would be all sorts of episodes of shows you could catch up on after!
          Me: There you go. I could binge watch the best ones and miss all the commercials.
          Brandon: Comas for everybody! Like Oprah. You get a coma and you get a coma and you get a coma.
          Me: Hilarious! You should run for office on this platform. Everyone would vote for you. I can just see little Coma Clinics popping up on every corner, like Starbucks.
          Brandon: I could go for an 8 or 9 hour coma here and there. And what a vacation! Two whole paid weeks in a coma each year.
          Me: Think of the people who would pay to go into a coma! It could be a way to dodge anything difficult in life--- a breakup, a drug problem, difficult in-laws coming to visit. Plus people who don’t eat right would be force fed properly intravenously. It would be the most successful weight-loss clinic ever!
          Brandon: And it would feel like instant results. Plastic surgeries, dental procedures, entire pregnancies, all sorts of things. They can just play Mozart 24/7 or whatever you do to a fetus these days.
          Me: Brilliant! People could learn foreign languages with headphones, cram for the SAT, a zillion applications!
          Brandon: If there’s a sequel you’re excited for and you don’t want to wait 3 years for the next one, coma!
          And I didn’t tell him this, but when I was texting the auto-correct kept changing coma to comma, so maybe we could even have a little grammar clinic next door!
          It may sound crazy, but you know that if you were driving along and suddenly saw a Coma Clinic you’d say, “Hey, Joni was just talking about that!” and it wouldn’t even surprise you. 
         You may not want to escape into an actual coma—I mean, life does have its demands—but you can easily escape for a few minutes by reading my books.

No comments:

Post a Comment