The Last WHAT?

           Our son, Brandon, from Los Angeles recently flew in around midnight, so his brother picked him up. We were in bed as he went into the kitchen and saw the 20 or so little figures of Jesus I was planning to give my Seminary students. They’re about an inch tall:

          Nearby I also had a weird little toy frog that I found in the back yard (tossed by a neighbor kid? Dropped by a hawk?) Well, you can’t let a pile of fun props go unnoticed, any more than you can not put googly eyes on your bananas.  So, even if though it was after midnight, Brandon created a wrestling match:

             The following night he created Leonardo Da Vinci’s Last Supper, complete with table, table legs, plates, and food all made of paper:

                And I don’t have to tell you which one is Judas.

             This guy has been making art from odd materials ever since he was in kindergarten, when the wax coverings of Babybel cheese became dragons, knights, giraffes and monkeys. What can I say? I love the way his brain works.

          Be sure to watch short life hacks on my Youtube Mom videos, right here.

To Bee or Not to Bee?

         Our son, Brandon, had tickets to a concert in Joshua Tree, California. He and his girlfriend Melissa, rented a car so they could take Odin, his 165-pound Great Dane.

They had just arrived when Brandon abruptly injured his back. It was one of those “last straw” moments when he hardly did anything, but managed to tear a disc! He couldn’t walk or stand and said his pain level was eleven.

Melissa dashed him to the nearest emergency room, where they couldn’t do much. And here is where we learn how very much Brandon is like his mother, and cannot have one mishap without more bizarre mishaps piling on.

First of all, as Melissa picked him up at the curb and was trying to help him out of his wheelchair, a BEE flew up Brandon’s shorts. Who else has this happen? 

                

Brandon called the car rental company and asked if his girlfriend could bring it back for him.

          Absolutely not, he was told. His was the only name on the forms. Brandon explained that he couldn’t walk or drive, but their only suggestion was to have the car towed, for $150.00!

          Instead, Melissa drove it to half a block away, then Brandon carefully crouched behind the wheel and drove it in.  CRAZY!  And it turned out the folks there didn’t even care, as long as the car was back.

          That night a friend told him that sleeping on a mattress topper on the floor might help his back, so Brandon was just drifting off when the Great Dane, asleep on the sofa next to him, STEPPED ON HIS EYE!  And now he has scratches on his face.                                                                

          I’m telling you, he is three-for-three living my same life.  Maybe he should start writing a blog.  Meanwhile, sorry for the DNA, Brandon.

          Try to avoid injuries by sitting still at your computer and watching my Youtube Mom life hacks right here.

Wake Me Up When it's Over

          I have another blockbuster idea. It came about as I was texting our son, Brandon, and kvetching about chemotherapy. Here’s how that went:

          Me: Did I tell you I got tonsillitis because of my low white cell count due to the chemo? So I’m on antibiotics for that, now.

          Brandon: No way! Ugh, it’s like injury to injury!

          Me: I know, right? I’m 11 days out from the infusion and still having strong side effects. We’re going to wait 3 weeks between infusions now, instead of 2.

          Brandon: Wow, yeah. It would be constant side effects otherwise, huh?

          Me: It would. I told Dad I’d prefer to be put into a medically induced coma until the side effects wear off and I’m not kidding.

          Brandon: I don’t understand why that isn’t an option. Wake me up when it’s over.

          Me: Totally. It’s not like I can go anywhere, anyway. I’m basically quarantined.

          Brandon: And there would be all sorts of episodes of shows you could catch up on after!

          Me: There you go. I could binge watch the best ones and miss all the commercials.

          Brandon: Comas for everybody! Like Oprah. You get a coma and you get a coma and you get a coma.

          Me: Hilarious! You should run for office on this platform. Everyone would vote for you. I can just see little Coma Clinics popping up on every corner, like Starbucks.

          Brandon: I could go for an 8 or 9 hour coma here and there. And what a vacation! Two whole paid weeks in a coma each year.

          Me: Think of the people who would pay to go into a coma! It could be a way to dodge anything difficult in life--- a breakup, a drug problem, difficult in-laws coming to visit. Plus people who don’t eat right would be force fed properly intravenously. It would be the most successful weight-loss clinic ever!

          Brandon: And it would feel like instant results. Plastic surgeries, dental procedures, entire pregnancies, all sorts of things. They can just play Mozart 24/7 or whatever you do to a fetus these days.

          Me: Brilliant! People could learn foreign languages with headphones, cram for the SAT, a zillion applications!

          Brandon: If there’s a sequel you’re excited for and you don’t want to wait 3 years for the next one, coma!

          And I didn’t tell him this, but when I was texting the auto-correct kept changing coma to comma, so maybe we could even have a little grammar clinic next door!

          It may sound crazy, but you know that if you were driving along and suddenly saw a Coma Clinic you’d say, “Hey, Joni was just talking about that!” and it wouldn’t even surprise you. 

         You may not want to escape into an actual coma—I mean, life does have its demands—but you can easily escape for a few minutes by reading my books.