And You Can NOT Quote Me!

         For our recent celebration of St. Bob’s birthday, I posted 20 of his quotes around the house.  I asked the kids for his well-known expressions, and the suggestions came pouring in.

          Being from Louisiana, he uses “lagniappe,” and other Cajun phrases from time to time. He also corrects people who say pray-leen, and tells them it’s praw-leen.

          Then I got thinking. What if the kids ever do that for me? I can only imagine the phrases I’m known for. They will read like an Alzheimers’ test:

           Why did I come in here?

          Where is my cell phone?

          What’s today?

          Let’s watch this movie (You’ve seen it) No I haven’t (Yes you have; you didn’t like it) Oh.

          Who’s in the mood for ice cream?

          Who wants to help me garden? (I do a pretty good Little Red Hen impersonation.)

          Who can help me with the computer?

          Is it hot in here to you?

          Let’s look at the dessert menu.         

Or, who knows—maybe they’ll say, “For terrific life hacks, check out my Youtube Mom videos here.”

I Screen, You Screen?

        We finally got one of those wonderful, retractable screen doors! You’ve probably seen them-- they roll up and stow on the side of the door. It lets you keep the patio door open so you can enjoy the nice breeze without flies or mosquitoes getting in. Here's an example of one: 

          EXCEPT… it’s been way too hot to enjoy a breeze, unless you like the temperatures of an inferno.

         BUT EVEN WORSE… you can’t see the screen. At least I can’t. And our dog can’t. So, possibly similar IQs are in sync here.  We tried to leave just the screen closed on three occasions and here’s what happened.

1.       Joni charges right into the screen and nearly busts through, but luckily doesn’t break it.

2.      St. Bob puts a small 3x5 card in the frame so she’ll notice it.

3.       She doesn’t.  She crashes into the screen anyway.

4.       Now Bob puts a full sheet of paper in the frame and finally she sees it.

5.      But this, like a decal, blocks the lovely view, doesn't it? So Joni takes the paper out.

6.       She crashes into the screen again that evening.

Mind you, our dog is doing the same thing.

Fortunately, we’ve had temperatures over 100 lately, so the screen is rolled up, safe once again.

Avoid similar disasters by sitting still at your computer and watching my Youtube Mom life hack videos!

Driving Competition?

           Before admitting this, I had to consult Highway Patrol. It seems I am safe in telling you that I drove like a demon trying to make a recent flight. Good news: No speeding ticket.

          Our son, Cassidy, is a beast. He can lift nearly 1,000 pounds and was competing in a Strongman Competition out of state. 

          St. Bob had already flown there to watch, two days ahead of me. Here we are, in a gym with Cassidy and his darling wife, Tiffany last April:

      Then, the next morning, St. Bob called with a change-- I could leave right then. Yay! I had to get to the airport immediately, no time to spare.

          Except… I took a wrong offramp. No problem, I thought. I’ll just get back on. But the onramp said it was closed.

          I looked at it. Didn’t look closed to me. So down I zoomed and got back on the freeway.  Cost me just 10 seconds. No ticket.

          Then the parking lot was full. I was directed to a street that took me to the arrivals. And I will admit that when I hit those speed bumps I was a tiny bit airborne. Cost me five minutes.  Still no ticket.

I slowed down and made it to the REAL wrong parking lot.  Found a distant spot and got shin splints running to the terminal. And here’s where the real screeching happened, as I saw about 40 people in line ahead of me and the airline hadn’t yet sent my reservation number, which would have let me use the electronic sign-in machines.  So, after inching along in that line, I took the tram and headed to security. I now had about eight minutes to catch my flight.

Oops. Now there were at least 200 people ahead of me and half an hour of waiting at least.  There was no way to make this last-minute flight.

Yes, I cried. Yes, I drove straight to Handel’s ice cream shop, as one does, and ordered a scoop of Chocolate Oree-Dough (chocolate ice cream with Oreo cookies and cookie dough pieces).

And I thought about how Cassidy could also win Kind Man, Smart Man, Funny Man, Motivated Man, and several other competitions if they existed.

While driving home some dear friends had heard about my missed flight and called to ask me to lunch. Incredibly sweet of them! So I had to hurry and finish my ice cream so I could go to lunch. And St. Bob sent me a cupcake.  Yes, I feel much better.  Still sorry I missed the event, but basking in the love and sugar.

Hey, bask in my Youtube Mom videos—hundreds of life hacks!

I'm Not Cut Out for This!

           We just celebrated St. Bob’s birthday, and this time some friends gave us life-size cut-outs of Bob at various stages through his life—hosting game shows, clowning around, do the news, traveling.

           We surprised him with them at a restaurant where they created quite a buzz.  But the surprises weren’t over. 

          That night I put one around the corner in the bedroom and startled him as he was going to bed.  Then there was another one IN the bed.  And another in the shower!  Needless to say, we are all glad St. Bob didn’t have a heart attack. 

          But then Karma kicked in. Every time I come down the stairs now, I am never ready for FIVE Bobs to be standing there. I gasp and jump every time. It’s like having life-size Bob wallpaper on the walls. Will I ever get used to five clones of Bob hanging out in the living room?

          I’ll have to. Otherwise they might creep up the stairs and into the bedroom again!

          A good way to hide out from life-size replicas is to get engrossed in my Youtube Momvideos. No clones there, I promise.

Getting Benched Ain't So Bad

           I just repainted a large, built-in bench in MacKenzie Childs style!  If you’re a regular reader, you know how I love MacKenzie Childs designs, and my last huge

 project was this grandfatherclock:

           But when we decided to refresh our turquoise patio, I couldn’t resist applying that look to the wrap-around bench.  Now it really pops!  I also added some black-and-white touches to a couple of plant pots.           

                                                                          

There are smears and streaks of other colors in this familiar black-and-white check design, so it’s a fun chance to add a bit of wild to the  precise.

          Of course, there was nothing precise about my carrying a bucket of paint into the kitchen. Yikes! But you read about that here, last week.

          Curl up on a hand-painted bench—or a comfy chair—and watch my Youtube Mom videos!