Making a Brincadeira

          The other day we went to a party (despite that one of my Seminary students recently and wistfully said, “You’re old enough that you probably don’t get invited to many parties anymore.”)

          I was in the buffet line—of course—and the man next to me introduced me to his wife, who was from Brazil.  “Oh!” I said, “I have a friend who lived there for many years and she speaks Brazilian.”  Even as I said that, I knew my brain was searching for the correct word, ‘cause Brazilian ain’t it!

          The wife graciously smiled and didn’t correct me.

          But after I had gone through the line, the word Portuguese popped into my head, and I dashed outside on the patio to find her and apologize.

          I was so eager to do this that I bumped into her chair. Now I needed to apologize for two things. So I did, and she was very kind. But then she asked my name. 

          Yikes—until now I was hoping she would forget who I was, not re-tell the embarrassing story, certainly not flesh it out with an actual name. So I gave it to her.

And I couldn’t help thinking, maybe my seminary student was right: Maybe we won’t get invited to many parties anymore!

But if you’re at home instead of making the social circuit, take a look at my Youtube Mom videos, filled with handy life hacks! Click right here: https://m.youtube.com/c/jonihilton

12 Reasons You Shouldn't Be on a Reality Show

 1-         You’re too chipper.  The last time you lost your temper was during the Carter administration. 

2-         You don’t look good enough in a swimsuit; the others would ignore you.

3-         You look too good in a swimsuit; the others will despise you.

 4-         You’re a peace maker, and would try to get everyone else to get along, or at least join you in singing a few show tunes. 

5-         You don’t have enough tattoos. 

6-         You don’t secretly want to be an actress. 

7-         Your nose runs when you over exert yourself.

 8-         You’d need too many luxury items: tweezers, concealer, hair gel, wrinkle cream, lip liner, mascara, nail polish, etc. 

9-         You’re too exhausted from raising a family to be a diabolical manipulator.

 10-       You’d want to include the camera men and crew, to be polite. 

11-       You know too many party games and would make it too much fun.

 12-       You’d only be doing it to lose weight, and wouldn’t have that competitive edge.    

So stay home and watch my Youtube Mom videos. Hundreds of life hacks!

 

 

Wrongo

           Do you have any idea how often I’m wrong? Take a guess and join my world, because you, too, will be wrong.

          It’s a lot. I know that’s not a specific number, but neither is tons, gobs, heaps, or loads. And I’m not even sure I’m right about that.  Maybe back in the 1400s some peasant in England decided “heaps” was an exact measurement of some kind.

          My latest wrong speculation was that an apostle from our church was coming to visit our area because they’re creating a new stake. I was sure of this conjecture and shared it at a Christmas party.

          Of course my daring compatriots immediately seized upon this opportunity to profit from my over-confidence. They said if I was wrong, I’d have to throw the next party.

          You guessed it. No new stake. Joni thus had to throw a New Year’s Eve party, but the good news is that we’re on the West coast, and we could have a New York New Years’ by watching the ball drop at 9 pm and calling it a night.

          So, if on occasion you find yourself being dead wrong about something, I say celebrate. Being wrong means you are self-educating. That sounds intelligent to me. By the way, did you know that intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair? Needless to say, nobody’s testing my zinc or copper.

And that zinc/copper thing may be a myth. What’s not a myth is that my books are all available here at rock-bottom prices, but mountain-top values!