Beat This Heat

           This is the hottest California summer any of us can recall. So I’m going to take you on a virtual visit to the coldest spot on the map, where I lived for three years: Iowa. When you finish reading, I hope you’ll feel at least ten degrees cooler.

          Now, you may think Antarctica is the coldest, but the average temperature there is only -36 F.  In Iowa, it would hit -40, but really -70 with the wind chill. I kid you not. And remember, this is 102 degrees BELOW FREEZING, which is 32.

         Apparently a jet stream passes over Minnesota, then swoops down over Iowa to dump a fresh load of snow and ice before rising again and heading out over Illinois. 

          You can literally freeze to death as you’re walking along. Seriously, a woman did this coming home from a high school football game. They routinely cancel Winterfest, hockey games, ice skating, basically everything outdoors. TV newscasts show piles of dead livestock, and they tell you how long it’s safe to be outside before flesh freezes.  Why the penguin is not the Iowa state bird escapes me.

          Our dog’s water bowl, inside the house, would freeze solid because icy wind blew through the doggie door. Snow plows would pile up all our freshly shoveled snow into a mountain blocking our driveway, big enough to go sledding on. I began wearing thermals in September and kept wearing them into May.

          So now, when you see temperatures in the 90s—and higher—just sit down, close your eyes, meditate, and repeat this mantra: Iowa, Iowa, Iowa…

Or, you can sit and watch my Youtube Mom videos, full of clever life hacks, including ones about how to cool off!