Twist and Shout

          I used to be pretty good at tongue twisters. Like so many other talents that pay exactly zero, I was blessed with the ability to say them without getting all twisted up.

          Until now. Enter the Godzilla of Tongue Twisters. It looks simple, but it trips me up: “Irish Wrist Watches.”  Try to say it once without pausing or smooshing it all together.

          And immediately I thought of our son who not only works in the world of luxury watches, but is an expert on the dawn of time.  I mean the literal dawn of time-keeping. He knows every method of time-keeping mankind has ever invented. 

           He works for Panerai Watches, an Italian brand with a store on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. These watches are worn by celebrities, stored in safes by wealthy collectors, and cost as much as some homes. This one can sell for $500,000.00:

He knows all about the big brands: Patek Philippe, Audemars Piguiet, A. Lange & Sohne, and Vacheron Constantin.  (You talk about tongue twisters). 

          So I asked him if he was aware of any Irish watch brands. Sure enough, there’s one called McGonigle:

          I asked my son if he could say Irish wrist watches. He could. Did it with no problem. (sigh).

Be sure to visit my Youtube Mom channel, where in NO TIME, you can find hundreds of great life hacks.

Can You Say This?

          I’ve never owned a racehorse, but if you’re a frequent Joniopolis visitor, you know that I’m crazy about horses.  You may also know that I can sometimes be a monkey.

          So I’ve decided that if ever I do own a racehorse, I’m going to give it a name that will bring me a bit of amusement.  Especially if it wins. Hence the win-win.

          I’ll saddle it, pun intended, with a name that will cause the track announcer (and any broadcasters who try to say the name) a bit of a challenge. Shouldn’t be too hard—just think of the toughest words to pronounce correctly.  Worcestershire, Didgeridoo, and Onomatopoeia come to mind, but I think we can do even better.

          Some friends of mine live in Kosciusko, Mississippi. Nobody except locals say it right. And just imagine, with the state name included, it would take so long to pronounce it that the race could be over.

          Inspissate, obstreperous, floccinaucinihilipilification, inchoate, viviparous, dicotyledonous—the world is teeming with great choices.

Wait—hold the presses! Why not be sponsored by a pharmaceutical company, and give the horse one of those crazy drug names that no one can get right?

          Here’s a good one. It comes from Gulliver’s Travels, where giants were called Brobdingnagians. Try to say that one three times.

          Which brings us to tongue twisters, and why not? You could have a horse named Peter-Piper-picked-a-peck-of-pickled-peppers.  I thought I’d look up the world’s toughest tongue twister and found this quote: “Pad kid poured curd pulled cod." A team of researchers from M.I.T. have dubbed this tongue twister the world's most difficult. "If anyone can say this (phrase) 10 times quickly, they get a prize," said Stefanie Shattuck-Hufnagel, an MIT psychologist.

          HOLD ON again. So that’s harder to say than Stefanie Shattuck-Hufnagel, the very woman running the contest?  She could get a racehorse, name it after herself, and achieve my exact goal.

          I tell you, the pieces are simply falling into place. Now I just need the dough to get a horse. And here’s where you come in. All you need to do is visit my website, buy my books, and then wait for the pennies to stack up. A perfect choice is my latest, a short Christmas story that costs just $3.49 on Amazon. It’s called A Little Christmas Prayer. Hint: Sometimes it takes a child to raise a village.