You know I love to garden. I used to whine that I got the worst jobs when my dad and I would work in the dirt, but those early years of toil paid off, and today I can’t wait to get out there, pull weeds, dig holes, and grow plants. These are just a few of the results in my yard:
But there’s a down side. Well, besides the sweat, dirt, thorns, and sore muscles. Those I can live with.
It’s the spiders. Yes, I know they’re nature’s helpers, gobbling up the harmful pests. And if they could do this out of sight I would be fine with it. But there’s one who not only has no need for privacy, but who is an absolute exhibitionist, suspending himself on a gossamer billboard of his own creation, exactly where the sunlight will shine a spotlight on him. Or her.
It’s the orb spider.
Here’s one from my very own yard-- more than two inches long-- and check out the humongous web:
If you look this hideous creature up online, you will read the following warning: Be careful not to walk into their webs at night - the fright of this spider crawling over one's face can be terrifying and may cause a heart attack, particularly to the susceptible over 40 year olds.
That’s right. A HEART ATTACK. Seriously. They make a web FOUR FEET WIDE. And I’m using lots of screaming capital letters because screaming is exactly what you’ll do if you waltz into one of their enormous circular webs. It’s like coming around a corner and bumping headlong into Gene Simmons.
On the other hand, my yard is available for horror movie makers who need a set. For a modest fee.
Nothing scary in my books, though, so order them here today!