Comedy Kids Strike Again!

           I’ve told you before that I seem to have given birth to comedians. This time I had been worried about spots on my lungs and liver—which could have been cancerous—but CT scans said they were fine, so WHEW!

          I texted, “I feel as if I’ve been holding my breath for a few days and can finally breathe again.”

          Richie texted: Did you tell them you were holding your breath the entire time?  That might have thrown off the scan…

          I suggested that maybe I could hawk a cure for cancer online with AI, as the secret breath-holding technique.

          Nicole texted: Awesome! Erwan Le Corre is a professional breath-holder who would probably be down to collaborate.

          I ask how she has even heard of him and she says she knows someone who took a class from him.

          Brandon texted: That’s fantastic news! And it’s not even untrue—if you hold your breath long enough, you will no longer suffer from cancer. Works 100% of the time.

          So, folks, anytime you have some good news, send it my way and I’ll see what these knuckleheads have to say about it.

Meanwhile, you can watch wonderful, short life hacks on my

YoutubeMom channel!

All Choked Up

           I recently had the pleasure of visiting the Emergency Room.  Ah, yes, everyone’s favorite hangout. Only I was not there because of illness or accident. I was there because of klutzy pill-taking.

          Yes, I had to report the embarrassing truth, that I had INHALED a vitamin pill, instead of swallowing it. Mind you, this is not the sort of stuck pill that can be solved by swallowing a pinch of bread. It wasn’t stuck in my esophagus, but my trachea—the little airway tube that leads to your lungs.

          Well, of course it was late at night and no actual lung doctors were hanging out. They were probably all at home, watching E.R. on television.

          Nope, the only people there were other patients, all of whom were mighty concerned that I couldn’t stop coughing. A nurse finally told me to wear a mask, because other patients were worried.

          “Tell them I’m choking,” I explained. “I’m not contagious.”  But this did not ease their fears, so I had to wear a mask and make the situation even worse, because now I couldn’t inhale a breath strong enough to dislodge the pill.

          They suggested I be admitted to a room (probably to get me out of the E.R.), where I could cough all night until a lung specialist showed up the next morning to do surgery. They took x-rays to help this imaginary person, hours from seeing me.

          I decided I could go home and cough all night much more comfortably, and then—cue the heavenly choir—the pill finally dissolved and came out in tiny bits. The trachea is a lot dryer than the esophagus, so it took hours. But at last I was free. Sore sides, but hey, freedom.

          And now I am super careful swallowing pills. No more knocking them back in a bunch. Just one at a time, like handling tiny hand grenades.

My book, A Little Christmas Prayer, is the perfect Christmas gift. Sometimes it takes a child to raise a village, and this tale teaches anyone, of any faith, the magic of gratitude. All my books and Youtube Mom videos can be found at jonihilton.com.