Comedy Kids Strike Again!

           I’ve told you before that I seem to have given birth to comedians. This time I had been worried about spots on my lungs and liver—which could have been cancerous—but CT scans said they were fine, so WHEW!

          I texted, “I feel as if I’ve been holding my breath for a few days and can finally breathe again.”

          Richie texted: Did you tell them you were holding your breath the entire time?  That might have thrown off the scan…

          I suggested that maybe I could hawk a cure for cancer online with AI, as the secret breath-holding technique.

          Nicole texted: Awesome! Erwan Le Corre is a professional breath-holder who would probably be down to collaborate.

          I ask how she has even heard of him and she says she knows someone who took a class from him.

          Brandon texted: That’s fantastic news! And it’s not even untrue—if you hold your breath long enough, you will no longer suffer from cancer. Works 100% of the time.

          So, folks, anytime you have some good news, send it my way and I’ll see what these knuckleheads have to say about it.

Meanwhile, you can watch wonderful, short life hacks on my

YoutubeMom channel!

Superman Never Said This

          I think this may be the ultimate example of adding insult to injury. Here’s the latest in my medical adventure. First, a bit of background. The pathology report of my lymph nodes came back with cancer in four out of the five they tested.  Naturally this means it’s probably in many more of them, and possibly racing through my body to attack some new, far more exciting venue than my armpit.

          So… we did a PET scan. No, they will not let you bring in your Chihuahua to substitute for you.

They will, however, share the radiologist’s long analysis of the even longer body x-ray. 

          The good news is that they didn’t find cancer anywhere else—yay!  On and on I read, seeing that my neck, my liver, my lungs were all clear.  And then I got to this line:

          Brain is grossly unremarkable.

          SERIOUSLY?  That’s how you choose to put it?  If you’re such a smarty-pants, why can’t you just say, “Brain is fine” which would only require four letters as opposed to 19?  Or better yet, “Brain is OK”? 

          I was telling our son, Brandon, that my brain was pronounced grossly unremarkable and he laughed, “Says you!” Right?

          How rude. Maybe someone has grossly unremarkable tact. Hey, Superman had x-ray vision, but he never disparaged people's brains. 

          Yes, I get it that this is medical terminology, but just like sports that need to be revised, maybe that language needs revision as well. AND DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TIMES I’VE HAD TO POST ABOUT MY BRAIN IN THIS BLOG? I think it’s getting ridiculous.

          And then there’s St. Bob’s input, which was surprise and delight that there was even a brain in there to find. So there’s that.

On the other hand, Christmas is coming and you need to buy my books as gifts for people whose brains you would never insult.