Our Marriage Secret

         Someone recently asked me how St. Bob and I have such a good marriage.  There’s no single answer but I’ll admit we both said, “humor” at the same time.

          And, of course, there’s much more to it than amusement. But laughing does take up a pretty good chunk of the day.

          Sometimes I’m laughing with him, and sometimes, well, at the predicaments he’s in. Last month he texted someone about his cold, and said he’s gravely. 

          “Oh, no—” he said. “They’re going to think I’m gravely ill!”  What he had meant to write was gravelly.  Ah, the difference one L makes.

          “You’re starting rumors,” I said.

          And then, something he’s said for years: “I resemble that remark.”

          “That’s an old joke, Mister,” I told him.

          Then St. Bob, in his usual quick style, said, “I’m an old mister. No joke.”

          Yep, that definitely adds a little zing to the marriage.

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Tough Crowd

         It doesn’t always work to crack jokes when traveling in foreign countries. They have humor, alright, but it’s their humor.

          For example, on our recent trip through Europe, Bob joked that we came wurst class, but got plenty of sausage. No one cracked a smile.

           Then our guide led us to a giant statue of a man on a horse. St. Bob quipped, “Is that John Wayne?”  Well, of course we all know it isn’t John Wayne. It didn’t even need an answer. (Mr. Wayne would never have worn such a flouncy hat.)

         But the guide adamantly explained that it most certainly was not an American movie star, but Emperor William I. Several times he repeated this, to clear up any confusion.

Then, further down the river, I tried to kid with a member of the crew who was helping us get back on our boat. Sometimes they dock two or three of these longboats beside one another.

The fellow told us to walk right through the first two boats, and enter the third one.

“Hey,” I said, “if you could line up five or six more of these, you’d have a bridge to the other side!”

Oh, no, not possible. That would break the rules of safety. That could never happen. There are regulations. Never could you attempt such a thing. I was already down the ramp by now, but the fellow was continuing, shouting after me about safety rules lest I try such a foolhardy maneuver.

Whatever. Lunch was a fabulous crab salad, a tasty bit of pork, and a caramel apple confection. 

Thankfully I was not given gruel as punishment, and sent to my room. Although their muesli is pretty incredible and my room has an awesome view.

You can find great travel tips on my Youtube Mom channel—check it out!

Bob on a Roll

           I think we can all agree that this year has been crazy. And when I encounter crazy, I usually look for the humor therein. Luckily, St. Bob is willing to provide enough laughter to get us both through 2020. Herewith some of the latest Bobisms:

          Me: Call me when you’re free.

          Bob: I’m not free, but I have a 20 % holiday discount.

Later:
          Me: (Watching a narrated documentary) You’d be a good commentator for this.

          Bob: I am not a common tater. I’m a very special tater.

Later:

          Me: I’ve been procrastinating.

          Bob: That’s better than amateur-crastinating.

          Yep, his brain will definitely be donated to science.

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What Everybody Thinks

          You may have noticed a few divergent views in the world today. But I am here to remind you that there are four things EVERYBODY thinks.

Thing #1: Everyone thinks they know what’s funny.  It’s been said that if you want to compliment people, you can’t go wrong telling them they have a great sense of humor.  Because, even if someone is not personally funny, they truly believe that they know what is. 

We all know this isn’t actually true; we see people guffaw at truly unfunny things, predictable lines in movies, low-brow humor, even immature outbursts.  And we pity them.  But it’s because we really do know what’s funny.

Thing #2: Everyone thinks they have plenty of common sense.  Even the most badly behaving person you know will confess that they were blessed with good common sense.  It’s everyone else who’s a dope.

Voltaire reminded us that common sense is not so common, and while this is true, no one seems to believe it.  Everyone thinks they, in particular, have an abundance of this virtue.

Thing #3: Everyone thinks they know how to drive well.  They see other people making horrendous mistakes on the road, cutting folks off, running stop signs, and changing lanes without signaling.  But they, personally, are skilled drivers. 

No one ever goes into the Department of Motor Vehicles, turns in their license, and says, “I just can’t seem to get the hang of this.”

Thing #4: Everyone thinks they know best how to run the country. Mark Twain once said it’s too bad that the people who really know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.  

I presume these same people think they have sharp senses of humor, loads of common sense, and can out-drive anyone else on the road.

And so you see that our nation is not so fractured, after all.  We will always agree on at least four things.

And I might add a fifth thing: That my books are a wonderful bargain!  Find them all right here.