Guess Where it's Not Cold

         I’ve been seeing numerous social media posts about huge snowfalls. 

          Everyone seems to be layering, sniffling, shivering, and turning up the heater.

          Everyone except me.  I am still battling hot flashes, which makes 30 years of them now, thank you. If anyone from the Guinness Book of World Records is reading, you are welcome to come by and document my achievement.         

Masks trigger them. Within 15 minutes of putting one on, I am peeling off my jacket. 

          Last time I went through airport security, the TSA agent said she needed to pat me down. “Okay," I said, "but you’re going to get wet.” I felt like one of those signs at the waterpark whale show, where they warn you not to sit in the front row.

          So yes, if you guessed the one square foot of space wherever I am standing, you guessed correctly. Your prize is knowing you are waaay more comfy than Joni is.  Oh—and that you can enjoy my Youtube Mom videos right here.

Brain Pills

           So I tell my doctor I’m having hot flashes and brain fog. She says it’s from the Arimistat I take, now that I’ve recovered from breast cancer. It blocks estrogen and has both those side affects.

          But there are remedies. She gives me several ideas for hot flashes, including acupuncture.  Also, since I've gained a bit during this pandemic, she reminds me that thin people are cooler than fat people. "Yeah, but fat people are harder to kidnap," I say. "So, you know, mox nix."

         Then she recommends one for brain function.

          Yay, I say, and I head to the market. I’m looking up and down the vitamin and herb aisle. A clerk sends the manager over to help. I tell him I need Lion’s Mane for my hot flashes.

          “Here it is,” he says, reaching for a bottle on the shelf.

          And there, in bold lettering, we see that no, it is not for hot flashes, it is for MEMORY.

          “Oh my gosh,” I say. “I guess that one’s for memory.”  And I cringe because I’ve forgotten the memory one!

          I get home, go upstairs, and tell St. Bob what happened. Then we go downstairs, and I notice I’m still holding the bottle that belongs upstairs.

          “Better take one quick,” Bob says. “Before you can’t remember why you bought it.”  Very helpful, that guy, Whats-his-name.

          You can test your own memory. See if you can remember to order my books and subscribe to this blog!

My Guinness World Record

           I know, it’s quite a claim to fame. Being the most anything is a goal for many, but I never thought I’d join their ranks.

          And I never wanted to. Not for this. It simply happened. And now St. Bob wants to contact the Guinness folks to make it official.

          I have had hot flashes for 26 years. Yep. Most women have them for 6 months to two years.

So how did this happen? Back in my 30s my OB gave me a shot of something that messed with my hormones, and whammo—I became a steaming volcano. 

THEN after breast cancer I began taking an estrogen blocker and ta-da!  Looks like I’ll be warming the planet for decades to come.

          You know how some people have reading glasses in every room? I have hand-held fans.

          I even blogged about these crazy personal heat waves here. I told St. Bob he’d have to contact all my doctors over the years, and get documentation  to send to the Guinness people. I can only imagine how those conversations would go.

          Meanwhile, I can rent myself out for people having power outages who have no heat. Much cheaper than a generator, folks.

Speaking of power outages, watch my Youtube Mom video here, about how to make your own emergency heater.

Truly a Fan

          You know how, sometimes, when you give a gag gift it turns out to be the favorite thing?  This happened recently for St. Bob’s birthday.  Thanks to side effects from his cancer treatments and mine, we both have hot flashes.  So I heard about a little $3 item and thought it would be hilarious to give him this:

          It’s a tiny fan that plugs into your iphone.  It has rubbery blades, so it can’t hurt you.  It also plugs into your ipad:  

          Needless to say, I didn’t try it out before buying it, but once we plugged it in, wowza!  It whipped up a serious breeze.  Suddenly we are fighting over this (I need to get one for myself) and holding it up to our faces like it’s a slice of heaven. Which it kind of is. 

          Actually, since we’ve had 100 + temperatures for a few weeks here, we aren’t even sure if we’re having hot flashes or if it’s just the weather.  Either way, it’s kind of nice to know there’s a husband out there who relates to what we women go through.  And nice to know he’s mine.

          Stay in where it’s cool and read one of my books!  Check ‘em out here.