Be Smarter than the Thieves

           I recently read a post about what to do when visiting a large city, and your car is filled with presents. Where can you park so that your gifts won’t get stolen?

          Advice poured in.  Most people said it can’t be done. Sad that we even have to consider this, but I promise I have the solution.

          Some recommended valet parking at a hotel, but then others claimed that even valet service isn’t safe anymore.

          One guy suggested leaving a big dog in the car, but then you risk people reporting you for leaving a pet in the car. (And what if the dog
tears up your packages? Or the burglars steal your dog?)

          My brilliant idea? And you could take this on Shark Tank:  Blankets that look like garbage. Or snakes. Or vomit. Or body bags with dead parts sticking out. Simply transfer sharp photos onto fabric, and your stuff will look untouchable. 

          Hey, if AI can create posts that look completely believable, surely this can be transferred onto fabric or sturdy paper. Simply tuck it around your valuables, and off you go, worry-free.

          You’re welcome.  Scan through my blog for more ingenious solutions. OR… watch my short Youtube Mom videos filled with hundreds of life hacks.

Warm Heart, Cold Nose?

         Lots of people have cold hands, right? I have a more canine situation. My nose gets icy cold. If I go to bed before my nose warms up, it’s so cold I can’t fall asleep.

          Here are my remedies, in case any of you suffer from what is undoubtedly a sign of great character:

1.      Wear a Covid mask. You won’t get much oxygen, but your nose will be warm.

2.     Rub your nose to increase circulation. It probably won’t work and your nose may turn red. Also, now your fingers might get cold.

3.     Hide under the covers until your nose warms up. See the side-effect of remedy #1.

So the other night I was under the covers, complaining with a muffled voice that I couldn’t breathe, when St. Bob suggested what he thought was a perfect solution: A SNORKEL.

And there is no photo here, because NO ONE ELSE WOULD THINK OF ANYTHING SO RIDICULOUS.

Yes, folks, that is the kind of brilliance you can always find in Joniopolis. Just dial 1-800-Imarriedacomedian.

Traces of his personality also show up in several of my characters. You can find all my books right here.