About Town with Joni

          Charles Kuralt was a popular TV journalist years ago, and many of us recall his “On the Road” segments for The CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite.  He always found something quirky or charming in the nooks and crannies of the U.S. And he would have loved my town.  Yes, because it often exemplifies the folksy goodness he so enjoyed. But also because it serves up a continuous supply of material.  Here are just three examples of things I’ve seen lately, simply by tooling around here:

          This one was in a public restroom where, I can only assume, visitors LOVE toilet paper. They simply cannot get enough, and will swipe-a-wipe to satisfy their craving.  OR… they want the heavy bar holding the paper, for who knows what purpose.

          This is a company that has diminished its motto simply by adding quotation marks.  Like saying your café is a “quality” restaurant, it makes the reader question your claim. We’ve all seen people make air quotes as they refer to an “expert” who isn’t one, or a “vacation” that went sideways.

          And in this case, are they not quite changing the rules? Only pretending, perhaps? Or are they changing something, but it’s not really the rules, per se, just perceived rules.  Or maybe we should wonder what’s wrong with the old rules, that they need changing-- Were the old rules too demanding, and now they’ve thrown punctuality and safety to the wind?

          And this one was a pleasant surprise when I was filling out another medical form. On and on the pages went, asking for all my medications, all diagnosed ailments, you know the drill.  Then I came to this section about emotional adjustment, titled CORING.  I know they meant coping, and goodness knows typists can get tired, but this particular typo had me wondering if they wanted to get at the core of all our feelings. AND, if they even glance at these forms before printing them up.

          The top question says, “Since you became ill, have you felt any of the following?” and there’s a blank space for “other,” where you can write something in. I thought about writing, “Increased irritation with typos,” but then thought, nah, these aren’t irritating. They’re entertaining. Awkward and Upward!

Don’t you just want to drive around town all the time and find local  amusement?  FREE local amusement?  I hate to bring up the word, free, and then ask you to buy my books, but they are available here, and for only a modest fee (which is 75% of the word, free).

The Incredible Shrinking... Toilet Paper?

          No, you are not suddenly growing larger as the world shrinks around you-- stuff is getting smaller.  And it had to happen with toilet paper.  According to newser.com and the Washington Post, the old 4.5-inch toilet paper squares are now half an inch smaller.  Great.  Even the cardboard tubes are getting smaller, and the rolls themselves contain less paper.  The Wall Street Journal says this process of selling less paper for the same price is called “desheeting.”  Butt of course.

          I can understand companies trying to make up for losses—after all, fewer people are buying the paper towels and napkins these companies make, since office and restaurants are offering fewer napkins, and they often use air-dryers in the restrooms.  But why not just charge a few extra cents for a normal roll of toilet paper?  Everything goes up in price due to inflation; we know that. 

          Surely mattress makers are not scaling down their mattresses when their income drops; they just charge more for the same size mattress.  Otherwise, where does it stop—when we’re all sleeping on crib-sized mattresses?  What about books—should we expect the last 50 pages to be missing?

And think about the repercussions:  If you change the standard size of toilet paper, do you then retro-fit all the toilet paper holders in the world?

          Are they hoping we won’t notice?  It’s like dry cereal boxes that are suddenly much smaller and contain less cereal, yet cost the same as yesterday’s larger box.  I’m waiting for a splashy red graphic to read, “Now smaller than ever!”  or “Less food, but amazing same price!”

And what of the recipes that are thrown off by calling for a can of corn (used to be 16.5 ounces), which has now shrunk to 14.75 ounces?  Are these companies hoping we won’t notice?  That one-pound package of hotdogs you think you’re buying is really only 14 ounces.  The age-old 5-pound bag of sugar now weighs four.  And your half-gallon of ice cream is only a quart and a half today.  Orange juice, tuna, pasta, yogurt, cheese, chips, deodorant, shampoo —they’ve all been downsized. 

Nobody begrudges a company making a profit, it’s the sneakiness that bothers me.  It’s their effort to sell an illusion, and make it seem as if we’re getting the same thing when we’re not.  This does no service to those scraping by, either—they end up having to buy more to make up for the dinky packaging. Personally, I’d rather pay more and know what I’m getting, before we’re all buying postage-stamp-sized rolls of toilet paper.  But I’ll tell you this: "Going Postal" would have a whole new meaning.

No tricky size change in my books, no siree!  Find them here at the same wonderful low price, and same wonderful high quality!