Death of a Hobby

           For years I've loved entering cook-offs.  Sometimes these are live events where you compete with other cooks. Or it may be a contest where you send in an original recipe, then expert chefs try it and award prizes.

          It was a blast. For one thing, I won more than a hundred of them. This meant fabulous trips (France, Hawaii, the Caribbean, New York, etc.), appliances, and cash.

          St. Bob likes to tell the backstory, which is that I make up recipes and send them in without first trying them out. But after umpty-ump years of cooking, I can tell when I read a recipe if it will work. And then, of course, if it wins I definitely make it! Here are just a few big winners, starting with a mini-cornucopia made from turkey, for Thanksgiving:

Then a Vacherin:

This one, from 1997, is why you see tortilla roll-ups at every potluck now:

Here I am being interviewed at the National Beef Cookoff: 

I definitely went through a spiral roll-up phase:

This Jazzy Jamaican Eggs Benedict one took us on an incredible trip to France:

And a layering phase:

And more:

 

And then social media happened. Suddenly the entries were not judged by experts, but voted on by your friends. And if you worked in a big office building, you could get 1,500 votes, easily beating the measly 285 votes of the home hobbyist.

          Companies didn’t care that it was now a popularity contest; the advertising they got from all the postings and likes were worth it.

          So, like writing jingles in the 1950s, or selling buggy whips in the 1800s, the legit recipe cook-0ff was dead. Or, as Billy Crystal said in Princess Bride, “mostly dead.”

          Every once in awhile I’ll still hear about a contest that’s judged by experts, and sometimes I’ll enter. But the glory days are gone. And let’s not bemoan it; let’s just celebrate the fact that it was such fun while it lasted. If you’d like a few of my original recipes, check out the “What’s Cooking with Joni” tab on this blog. Food is fun, and always will be.

          Two of my books are cookbooks, in fact. Check ‘em out right here. And be sure to subscribe to this blog!

I Will Never Make These Recipes

          I am an organized type of person.  My favorite recipes—hundreds of them-- are in plastic page protectors in their appropriate binders:

          And I love to cook (you know I’ve won dozens of cook-offs), so I’m not afraid of attempting a complicated recipe on occasion, such as my lemon souffle:  

          But my prize-winning creations are all fairly simple, which is usually the only kind that can win a contest.  They may be creative, but they are all do-able, even by non-foodies:

So believe me when I say I sympathize with my friends who refuse to delve into the difficult.  Life is hard enough without making the daily act of eating into an Olympic event.

          I have therefore compiled a list of 15 reasons why you are totally justified refusing to make a recipe:

1-       It has more than five ingredients

2-      One of the ingredients says “available in Asian and specialty markets”

3-      It has the word “Diet” in the title

4-      One of the steps is “chill overnight”

5-      It calls for Star Anise, Ribbon Fruit, curry leaf, or minced Jalapenos

6-      It claims to be better than sex, and it won’t be

7-      You need a rasp, a mandolin, a stove top smoker, and a bamboo steamer basket to make it

8-      The last line is “Serve at once…”

9-      It says “serves 12” and you have three

10-    It involves more than two mixing bowls

11-     It starts with one cup of clotted cream

12-    It can stick to the sides of the baking dish

13-     It requires deep-frying oil, which will spatter your entire kitchen.

14-    It claims to be an excellent source of fiber.

15-     It says, “may curdle,” “may boil over,” or “may crack.”

          Let’s eat well, let’s enjoy life, but let’s not stress ourselves into a knot of worry just preparing daily fare.  Better yet, let’s eat out and let someone else do the cooking!

Be sure to read “Sisters in the Mix,” my comedy about a woman who has both OCD and a cooking show.  You can find it here.