Tuesday, April 5, 2016

I Will Never Make These Recipes

          I am an organized type of person.  My favorite recipes—hundreds of them-- are in plastic page protectors in their appropriate binders:
          And I love to cook (you know I’ve won dozens of cook-offs), so I’m not afraid of attempting a complicated recipe on occasion, such as my lemon souffle:  
          But my prize-winning creations are all fairly simple, which is usually the only kind that can win a contest.  They may be creative, but they are all do-able, even by non-foodies:

So believe me when I say I sympathize with my friends who refuse to delve into the difficult.  Life is hard enough without making the daily act of eating into an Olympic event.
          I have therefore compiled a list of 15 reasons why you are totally justified refusing to make a recipe:
1-       It has more than five ingredients
2-      One of the ingredients says “available in Asian and specialty markets”
3-      It has the word “Diet” in the title
4-      One of the steps is “chill overnight”
5-      It calls for Star Anise, Ribbon Fruit, curry leaf, or minced Jalapenos
6-      It claims to be better than sex, and it won’t be
7-      You need a rasp, a mandolin, a stove top smoker, and a bamboo steamer basket to make it
8-      The last line is “Serve at once…”
9-      It says “serves 12” and you have three
10-    It involves more than two mixing bowls
11-     It starts with one cup of clotted cream
12-    It can stick to the sides of the baking dish
13-     It requires deep-frying oil, which will spatter your entire kitchen.
14-    It claims to be an excellent source of fiber.
15-     It says, “may curdle,” “may boil over,” or “may crack.”
          Let’s eat well, let’s enjoy life, but let’s not stress ourselves into a knot of worry just preparing daily fare.  Better yet, let’s eat out and let someone else do the cooking!

Be sure to read “Sisters in the Mix,” my comedy about a woman who has both OCD and a cooking show.  You can find it here.


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