Identifi-fiction

          Have you ever had to get an ID sticker to wear when visiting someone at the hospital?  Our son, Richie, recently had heart surgery, and this is the sticker I was asked to wear:

          Let me ask you: Can you even tell it’s a photo of a person?  I imagine the purpose of these stickers is to prevent people from sneaking in and sleeping in empty rooms, but that’s just a guess.  Still, shouldn’t the photo at least resemble the actual person?  This shot doesn't even show a face:

             Schools and businesses also require these IDs. And, of course you capture images on security cameras. But I’ve seen pictures of furniture that look more human than some of these shots.

And can you even tell who this is? 

 Or this? I must know half a dozen people who look just like these images.

           Here’s my driver’s license photo, which was taken when I was bald from having chemo. Yes, I’m wearing a wig.

           But at least it looks humanoid. Who would have thought the DMV would be the best photographer in this ID business?

Hey, check out my Youtube Mom videos. You'll find all kinds of life hacks. No ID required. And I respond to every comment (well, not the trolls). 

Heads Up

          Every year there’s a funniest, weirdest, or most treasured Christmas or Hanukah present, right?  This year our son, Brandon, had been telling a client about his TV game show dad, and brought up St. Bob’s Wikipedia page.    

          Suddenly he noticed a live ebay auction going on, for an 8x10 head shot of him. Someone in Pennsylvania had been saving this publicity photo for umpty-ump years and was finally selling it (How could they? They must have died, right? I mean, who could part with this?). So Brandon bought it and gave me this photo that I had never seen before:

          Now, c’mon. This is one heckuva hunky guy, right? Look at that movie stah hair! And check out the vintage clothing. What a dreamboat.

          Brandon also gave his brother, Richie, a phenomenal tower of Selenite, which can be lit up like we did in this photo:

          Richie’s a geologist, so it was perfect. Then Brandon started opening a gift from Richie (they have a tradition of making this difficult with duct tape, staples, and all manner of obstacles), and Richie said, “Okay, this gift might need some explanation.”

          At this point third son, Cassidy, said, “What is it—a severed head?”

Richie and I locked gazes and laughed. “Funny you should say that,” he said. And, sure enough, it was a severed head. Although it was not as large as the one Richie had ordered.

Yep, an alligator head. The perfect gift for someone who has everything else.

Nicole made her famous Norwegian waffles,

the kids went rock climbing and zip lining, 

we made our traditional gingerbread house, 

daughter-in-law Tiffany gave me a hilarious bottle of Tabasco (I am not a big spice person) that she got out of our own fridge, and we played games and laughed our heads off. Maybe that’s where this whole severed head thing started.

You do realize that you can buy my Christmas book any time of year, right? It’s about gratitude, and how it sometimes takes a child to raise a village. Incredibly low price, too!