Ker-splat!

           Here’s my wish. I wish the face plant would go extinct. This time I was heading out to teach early-morning Seminary, and was creeping quietly through the dark house so I wouldn’t wake anybody up. But I misjudged the distance and crashed through the doggie gate onto the wood floor. Head first. I got a bloody nose and bruised ribs, but this is the lingering proof on my chin when I go out in public:

          Yes, it is a purple bruise on my chin, as if I’m trying to grow a soul patch.

Or I’ve been in a plum fight.

I had been carrying a new pair of shoes, which went flying. And, which Mickey, our Chihuahua/Terrier, immediately recognized as new. This means they do not belong in the picture and must be barked at.

          So, she’s barking and growling at the shoes while I am lying on the floor bleeding and in shock. But nevermind the human; it’s the shoes that need attention.

Neither Bob nor Nicole could hear either of us because they had sound machines on.  So they didn’t leap to my aid, not by the bruise of my chinny chin chin. Maybe I should start wearing a helmet everywhere I go.

          But I did manage to hobble to an upright position, drive to the church, and teach a class just a few minutes later. I can only imagine what the 20 teenagers thought as I stood before them, looking like I had just crawled out from a car wreck.

I should have told them I’ve simply got to quit doing Mixed Martial Arts.

But you can avoid these kinds of household accidents by sitting still and watch my Youtube Mom videos here.

Face It

          I have just made a horrifying discovery and it’s about myself. My face betrays me.  All these years I thought my kids could read my mind, but no. They are reading my facial expressions.

          Years ago someone told me never to overreact when my kids share shocking information (Someone at school is selling drugs, a friend just got suspended, etc.) because then they’ll stop confiding in you.

          So I determined to keep a straight face no matter what they said. But only recently when our grown daughter was here and we happened to be chatting in a bathroom, she shared something shocking. And I happened to see my own reflection in the mirror.  I thought I was going like this:

          But, in fact, I looked like this:

          “WHAT?!” I gasped. “That’s what my face was doing?”

          Nicole just smiled. “That’s what your face does all the time.”

          Well, not ALL  the time, I hope. But every time I hear appalling news, evidently. So my kids aren’t mind-readers after all. They’re just taking advantage of my rubbery, expressive face!

          It also happens if someone tells me they just got over their cold:

          Or they’re out of the dessert I just ordered:

          Or they’re marrying a guy they met two days ago:

          Or they’re bringing me a cookie:

           And I'm pretty sure this means I should never, ever play poker:

          Check out my crazy face on my Youtube Mom videos. Evidently you’ll be able to tell exactly what I’m thinking!