My Guinness World Record

           I know, it’s quite a claim to fame. Being the most anything is a goal for many, but I never thought I’d join their ranks.

          And I never wanted to. Not for this. It simply happened. And now St. Bob wants to contact the Guinness folks to make it official.

          I have had hot flashes for 26 years. Yep. Most women have them for 6 months to two years.

So how did this happen? Back in my 30s my OB gave me a shot of something that messed with my hormones, and whammo—I became a steaming volcano. 

THEN after breast cancer I began taking an estrogen blocker and ta-da!  Looks like I’ll be warming the planet for decades to come.

          You know how some people have reading glasses in every room? I have hand-held fans.

          I even blogged about these crazy personal heat waves here. I told St. Bob he’d have to contact all my doctors over the years, and get documentation  to send to the Guinness people. I can only imagine how those conversations would go.

          Meanwhile, I can rent myself out for people having power outages who have no heat. Much cheaper than a generator, folks.

Speaking of power outages, watch my Youtube Mom video here, about how to make your own emergency heater.

My song is on Alexa??

 Today I'm sharing a song with you, and a Meridian Magazine article that tells the backstory:

A Valentine’s Song with a Surprising Backstory

By Joni Hilton · February 10, 2021

Six years ago, my husband, Bob, got prostate cancer and had the DaVinci surgery. I know it’s not every wife’s reaction to say, “I’ve got to write a musical comedy about this,” but that’s what I said. (In my defense, hilarious things kept happening, so I had tons of material.) I called it “The Best Medicine.”

I wrote the story and lyrics for 20 songs—some funny, some poignant, some rousing (a tribute song to caregivers), and realized I needed a real musician to write the actual music. And I thought of Jerry Williams. Jerry is incredible. For years he’s been the pianist and arranger for The Donny & Marie Show in Las Vegas. He also conducts orchestras in Prague, and has worked with Stevie Wonder, Garth Brooks, Britney Spears, Brian McKnight, LeAnn Rimes, Barry Manilow, the list goes on and on. He’s so in demand that I figured there was no way he’d be available. But I sent him the “book” anyway.

And he loved it. He wanted to write all the music. And he knocked it out of the park. I was astounded at how perfectly his tunes brought my words to life. Together we hired some Broadway singers to record half the songs on a demo reel.

We haven’t found a theatre for it yet, and with COVID most theatres are dark right now anyway. But then this week Christeena Michelle Riggs, the Broadway star who recorded the song, What a Ride We’ve Had for the demo reel, said she wanted to post this tender love ballad on some streaming platforms (Amazon, Apple Music, Spotify, iHeart, YouTube, Pandora, TikTok, and others). Her work is phenomenal. Of course we agreed, and now I’ve even found the song on Alexa.

Since Bob’s surgery I also got cancer—breast cancer with surgery, chemo, radiation, and reconstruction. Then his came back, though it’s dormant due to medication at the moment. Still, I want people with cancer to take heart, have faith, and keep a good attitude. But remember, too, that when we can laugh at something, we take away its power. And this musical is a chance to empower the patient and remind all of us what matters most.

What a Ride We’ve Had is actually a heart-warming, romantic message that I hope you'll pass along for others to hear as well. Click here to hear it.

Water, water, everywhere...

           How on earth did everyone get so dehydrated? You see people with water bottles everywhere—and they gulp them desperately, as if they’ve just crossed a desert.

If you went back in time and told me people would someday BUY water I would have thought you were crazy. I mean, it literally falls from the sky.  You can fill your tub for just pennies. Yet every supermarket now has an aisle labeled, “Water.”  Vitamin water, flavored water, energy water, athletic water, and water from secret springs in some remote mountainous area. 

Chichi bars have sprung up where patrons order various pricey waters to drink. We pay more for bottled water than we do for gasoline. A lot more. The Guinness Book of World Records says the priciest bottle of water ever is called Acqua di Cristallo Tributo a Modigliani. It sold for $60,000.

Some say tap water is too polluted. But there’s evidence that’s what you’re actually getting in some bottled waters anyway!  And according to the Mayo Clinic, bottled water and tap water are pretty much governed by similar safety standards.

          In restaurants when I say I’d like some water I’m asked if I want sparkling water, mineral water, or lemon water. None of the above. I just want tap water. When I say this, I am stared at as the freakazoid creature I clearly am, for drinking plain water.

I know we all need to be adequately hydrated. But you don’t see newsreels about millions of people in the 1950s, let’s say, collapsing on the street because they couldn’t find their water bottle.  You waited. You got home and had some water. Or you found a drinking fountain. But you were able to go hours without guzzling H2O, and people did just fine.

          St. Bob buys plastic bottles of water, then loads ALL of them into the fridge so nothing else can fit in there. We may not have anything for dinner, but by George, we’re prepared for a water shortage.

Or for Yosemite Sam to crawl up to our door, parched from crossing the Mohave Desert eight times, begging for a canteen. Of course, he’ll want it filled with Evian, perhaps with a twist of lemon.

And you are welcome to drink all the water you like as you happily curl up with one of my books.

How Much Do You Really Know About Groundhogs?

           On this day every year, we celebrate Groundhog Day. It’s the only holiday named for a rodent, yet we know very little about this happy little guy. So, in the interest of filling in the gaps in your sophistication, I shall share 10 facts about this nationally beloved creature:

 Groundhogs, also called woodchucks, are large rodents. At 13 pounds they’re the largest members of the squirrel family.

2.   I know, you’re wondering if they really chuck wood. A scientist once estimated they can dig up 700 lbs. of wood, but they don’t eat it. They’re herbivores, but not idiots.

3.    Another name for this animal is whistle-pig. Somehow Whistle-Pig Day just doesn't have the same ring as Groundhog Day. 

4.    Their burrows, which can be 6 feet deep, can have as many as a dozen entrances. That’s a lot of welcome mats!

They eat about a pound of food in each meal, love to stuff themselves, and nap in the sun. I know many people who would gladly become groundhogs, just for the lifestyle.

Like bears, they hibernate during the winter.

In February males looks for females’ burrows, but have no elaborate mating ritual to win over a bride. They just barge in wearing a tank top, flop down on the sofa, and let the women know how it’s going to be. Okay, I made up the part about the tank top and the sofa.

     Groundhog babies are born blind and hairless, but mature in just three months and leave their moms to dig their own places. Not sure if any have dug basements in their moms’ houses, or installed wifi there.

     Weather prediction has been surprisingly, uh, wrong. You’d think the odds would be 50-50, but they’re only right about a third of the time. So, playing poker with a groundhog could be a good idea.

     They live in North America and you’ll be glad to know they are listed as “least concern for extinction.” I didn’t even know there was such a list, but I’ll bet mosquitoes are on it, too.   

      It's the dead of winter, let's face it. So curl up with one of my books, whether ol' Phil sees his shadow or not.