Water, water, everywhere...

           How on earth did everyone get so dehydrated? You see people with water bottles everywhere—and they gulp them desperately, as if they’ve just crossed a desert.

If you went back in time and told me people would someday BUY water I would have thought you were crazy. I mean, it literally falls from the sky.  You can fill your tub for just pennies. Yet every supermarket now has an aisle labeled, “Water.”  Vitamin water, flavored water, energy water, athletic water, and water from secret springs in some remote mountainous area. 

Chichi bars have sprung up where patrons order various pricey waters to drink. We pay more for bottled water than we do for gasoline. A lot more. The Guinness Book of World Records says the priciest bottle of water ever is called Acqua di Cristallo Tributo a Modigliani. It sold for $60,000.

Some say tap water is too polluted. But there’s evidence that’s what you’re actually getting in some bottled waters anyway!  And according to the Mayo Clinic, bottled water and tap water are pretty much governed by similar safety standards.

          In restaurants when I say I’d like some water I’m asked if I want sparkling water, mineral water, or lemon water. None of the above. I just want tap water. When I say this, I am stared at as the freakazoid creature I clearly am, for drinking plain water.

I know we all need to be adequately hydrated. But you don’t see newsreels about millions of people in the 1950s, let’s say, collapsing on the street because they couldn’t find their water bottle.  You waited. You got home and had some water. Or you found a drinking fountain. But you were able to go hours without guzzling H2O, and people did just fine.

          St. Bob buys plastic bottles of water, then loads ALL of them into the fridge so nothing else can fit in there. We may not have anything for dinner, but by George, we’re prepared for a water shortage.

Or for Yosemite Sam to crawl up to our door, parched from crossing the Mohave Desert eight times, begging for a canteen. Of course, he’ll want it filled with Evian, perhaps with a twist of lemon.

And you are welcome to drink all the water you like as you happily curl up with one of my books.