Sweet Dreams

        Someday I’m going to get pulled over for swerving in the vicinity of ice cream or candy shops, and on the news it will say, “She was driving at a glucose level of 15.8, which is twice the legal limit…”

          Okay, I really have no idea what the glucose numbers would actually be, but I do know that if my blood is drawn it can double as chocolate syrup for a sundae.

          At a check-up I was telling my doctor about my face plant fall, and he said I need to turn on the lights so I don’t break something next time.  “Otherwise,” he said, “you could end up in a nursing home. And they don’t have desserts in there.”

          “I could have someone bring me desserts,” I suggested.

          “You’re missing the point of the story,” he said.

          “So you say,” I told him, “but that factor could play into my decision.”

          He sighed.

See?” I said. “We’re both patient. Get it? You’re the adjective and I’m the noun. Fine, fine, I’ll keep the lights on.”

 I didn’t tell him that when Bob and I drove up to my Seminary class door the other day, I commented that the lights in my classroom were on, and Bob said, “But no one’s home.”

Hey, lights on or not, you can watch my Youtube Mom videos here.

         

Sugar Wars

Yes, I have seen all those TED talks about sugar.  Yes, I know corn syrup is a cheaper sweetener than sugar, and thus finds its way into seemingly every product known to man, except possibly broccoli. 

          But it’s doggone hard to give it up.  I have a sweet tooth, as opposed to my friends with salty/spicy teeth, so I know these poisons are in much of what I love.  But sweeteners are also in all the savory stuff you’d never expect, like spaghetti sauce, ketchup, garlic bread, yogurts, and salad dressing.

          I remember enjoying a breakfast with my son, Cassidy, when he was in high school.  Well, that enjoyment was short-lived, because, good mother that I am, I mentioned that my granola was a much healthier choice than his Cap’n Crunch Cereal.

          I offered proof.  I would read the contents of my granola box, and he would read the contents of his blue-hatted friend’s box.  We went right down the list—fat, sugars, carbs, protein.  And in every single case, his cereal beat mine!  I was flabbergasted.

          It’s like that incredibly delicious Cracklin’ Oat Bran that Kellogg’s makes, bursting with sweetness, coconut, and cinnamon.  And it’s like 200 calories a bowl!  Assuming you pour ¾ of a cup into your breakfast bowl.  You see “bran” on the label and assume healthy, then you taste it and you might as well be eating a cookie.

          So the smart thing to do is to read the labels, not simply glance at a hideous cereal that resembles dog kibble and assume that just because it doesn’t have little heart-shaped pieces it must therefore be healthy. 

Or, you can get around this whole problem by using St. Bob’s pronunciation technique.  I saw him devouring a bag of sugar-coated almonds recently and he proudly held up the bag with a “Gluten Free” banner across the top.  “See?  Glutton Free.  That means I can have as many as I want.”  And there you have it.

Another good way to lose weight is to get so engrossed in a great book that you forget to eat lunch.  Might I recommend mine at this link?  Although  Sisters in the Mix is about a crazy lady with a cooking show, so you might want to read that one while on the treadmill.