Dream Job?

           My friend, Nancy, is one of the top economists in the world. When I say this to people, she jumps in and says that no, she is not.  But then I point out that she worked at the headquarters of Bank of America in San Francisco, forecasting financial futures with other top economists.

          Then she says she worked with top economists, but wasn’t one of them. Ha!  As if these top thinkers would work with someone inferior, someone like myself, for example. Here’s how that would go:

          I would walk into the board room and within two minutes, one of them would leave to find their boss. 

          “Why is there a knucklehead in our meeting?” he would ask. “She brought in a pie chart.”

          “What’s wrong with a pie chart?” the boss would say.

          The economist would sigh. “It’s a chart about actual pie. PIE!”

          Now another economist would join the conversation. “There isn’t one place in this bank where that woman belongs.  Okay, maybe in the vault, because she’d make each of the safe deposit boxes into a secret fairy house.”

          And this is true; I would love to do that. Think of the fun surprise it would be for the owners who open them up!

          Needless to say, I would be sent on my way, but I would probably shout back, “Hey can I deliver goodies for a mid-morning break?  I’m thinking cookies shaped like dollar signs, or pies that--”  (I am yanked out the door) “Okay, I’m going, I’m going.”

          I can pretty much promise you won’t get much financial advice in my Youtube videos. But you’ll find hundreds of life hacks, and that’s worth something, right?

In the Pen?

        The three younger grown kids bought Richie, the eldest, a fabulous fountain pen for his birthday. First they sent an inkwell for him to have while he anticipates the pen’s arrival.

          Richie texted, “Wow, thank you so much for the birthday present, everyone! This is just amazing.  I can’t wait to write with it.”

          The others responded with gladness, and eagerness for him to try it out. But they couldn’t simply leave it there.

          Brandon: In the meantime, you can just finger paint with the ink.

          Richie: Ha—people will think I tried to rob a bank and got hit with a dye pack.

          Brandon: Yeah! They’ll think you’re a super cool bank robber. Everyone loves a heist.

          Nicole: Sounds like this is going to open a lot of doors for you.

          So if you see a guy who is possibly too tall for the mug shot measurement lines, and he has black ink on his hands, 

just know that he wasn’t actually robbing a bank; he was finger painting.

          Have you ordered your copies of A Little Christmas Prayer, yet? I’m telling you, it’s the ideal gift for anyone, of any age, and of any faith. Rock-bottom price, too (and the Kindle version is just 99 cents)!

Stick 'em up!

          I’m told one reason we see so many movies and TV shows which  include bank robberies, is that so many people fantasize about robbing a bank.

          I fantasize about how to prevent it. And I have a solution that will knock your socks off, but not your money out of your wallet.

I watched  my own local bank go from a face-to-face moment with the teller, to an interaction with plexiglass where you slide your ID under the barrier and speak through tiny holes.  Today they also have video cameras everywhere, and signs posted which forbid hats, sunglasses, and hoodies. My guess is they still have to worry.

Too bad no one ever called me for advice.  My solution is to put all banks on the second floor.  By the time a robber can get down the elevator or staircase, you’ve called the police, locked the lower level doors, and voila! No more bank robberies.

          I seriously believe this could prevent 99% of all bank robberies.  And, with elevators, the bank is still completely accessible to any member of the public.

          Building a two-story bank is more costly, but who says you have to build it?  Why not just rent the upper floor of an already-existing business?  Or build it and rent the bottom part out.  Bank-and-bagels, anyone?

          I know, you love the idea. You’re welcome. You can thank me by purchasing one of my books here.  Then I’ll get to deposit the royalties and maybe blog about witnessing a bank robbery!