Can't Blame Auto-Correct This Time!

           This is quite possibly my most embarrassing admission, yet. I know, I know, a pretty high bar has been set by previous blogs, but this promises to set a new standard of blondeness, at least.

          Here’s what happened. First, we decided to put some under-the-cabinets lighting in the kitchen. I love the extra brightness when I’m cooking.  St. Bob, as St. Bob does, handled everything. He bought the lights, installed them, then tossed a little remote onto the counter, which turns them on and off. Easy peasy.

          So I decided to try turning them on myself. I should also tell you that St. Bob is the only human in this house who has also handled the multiple TV remotes. I basically have nothing to do with electronics. So I am not familiar with these cell phone lookalikes.

          But I picked up the remote anyway. And what do I see? A helpful little button that says, “No.” Yep, right there on the bottom, in green.

          Well, I don’t want to push one that could eject me through the roof and into the stratosphere, right?  Or it could detonate a bomb somewhere.  At the very least, it will short out our kitchen lights.  Certainly bad things will result. Why else would they be sure to label one with the warning, “NO”?

          Okay, then I did glance at the other buttons and realized they were upside down. It was all over in a matter of seconds, really. I turned it around, pressed “ON” and the lights sparkled into being.

          But I still think “No” when I pick it up. And now, the next time you do something embarrassing, you can compare it to this true story and feel quite brilliant. You’re welcome.

          There is no Youtube Mom video about how to realize what buttons actually mean. But there are plenty of short life hacks that will amaze you right here!

A Vacuum of Information

         A friend of mine just bought a new vacuum, read the entire instruction booklet, learned how to take it apart, how to clean the filters, how to check for blockages, etc. and then came to this final line:

WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED VACUUMING, TURN THE VACUUM OFF.

          Whaaat??  Did you know this? Hey, this blog is nothing if not a well of startling, yet essential, information.
          Lest you doubt me, here's a view of the actual instructions:

          This, my friends, is why people have stopped reading instruction booklets. Okay, not all people, just me. And, if I’m being honest, it’s not the only reason, either. I have two reasons besides the chance encounter with lines such as the one above.

          The first reason is that I get to the second sentence and then throw the booklet into the air (yes, it has occurred to me that cancer is supposed to teach me patience).

And the second reason is that I have St. Bob for this. I ask him to read the fine print—or even large print—and then boil it down for me. Have not asked if he appreciates my using him as a Readers' Digest editor. He’s like Google. Only Bobble. But this is also why I can't operate the TV remote. Make that remotes. He tells me how and then I forget.

Next time I’m going to give him a Sharpie so he can make a redacted version of the instructions, leaving only the essential info and crossing out “Do not let toddlers operate this blender” sorts of lines.

Best of all, believing I am not the only person who hates instruction books, I can rent him out and make a fortune! Also have not checked to see if he is okay with this. I’ll get back to you.

But I'm pretty sure he's okay with it if you purchase a couple of my books, right here.