Whodunnit?

           I have the perfect idea for a murder mystery.

          I told you St. Bob and I enjoy trying to solve detective shows, and I have yet to see one that uses my idea:

          You have the coroner be the culprit. Think about it— if you want to be a serial killer, your first step should be to become a licensed coroner. Then you can hide virtually any murder, sign off on whatever you like, and no one will be the wiser.

          Now, if you gasped that I am advocating dishonesty, let me just point out that 1) We are talking about fiction here, and 2) Lying bothered you but killing somebody did not?

          It reminds me of a conversation our son had with a friend’s mom a few years back. She’s a pathologist and they were talking about remote little towns and how they operate.  “Let’s face it,” she said. “You own the coroner, you own the town.”

          Ahh… something tells me this is truer than we know.

          However, you can trust my Youtube Mom videos completely. They are filled with life hacks, not the kinds of hacks murderers employ.

You-dunnit

        What would you do if two policemen knocked on your door, said they were investigating a murder, and asked where you were on the night of September 15^th?

In order, I would wet my pants, scream, and then ask if I could please check my calendar.  Also I would invite them in for cookies.

          I can’t believe how many suspects on TV know exactly what they were doing on any given evening, even one that’s months ago. I can’t tell you what I had for dinner last night.

St. Bob and I both enjoy detective shows, though I’ll admit I forget all about the dead victim if they have a cat or a dog, and I cannot rest until it is made clear who is going to care for that pet, now.

As we try to figure out who-dunnut, we find it particularly challenging when there are multiple suspects and people who have motive.

And here is where an important insight came crashing into my brain: If you have several enemies, YOU could be a murder suspect one day! I mean, odds are they won’t get killed, but then if they’re so despicable that you’ve chosen them for an enemy, maybe someone else will do them in. These are the very people murderers tend to kill, right?

Think about that nasty co-worker, that mean neighbor, that jealous in-law. Everyone who's made it on to your Enemies List. And now they're dead. Shot in an alley, rolled up in a handy nearby rug, stuffed into a trunk, and dropped in a park. I think we can all agree that murderers need to be more creative. Nevertheless, YOU are now among the suspects!  Innocent you!

You’ll be marched in with everybody else who hates this enemy—well, hated, since he’s dead—and someone on the other side of a two-way mirror will point at you and say, “Her—the one with cookie crumbs on her lips.”

But I have the solution!  We simply have to forgive every dingdong who has every wronged us, so we won’t find ourselves in an interrogation room with warm soda to drink.  Or, just pray your enemies don’t die.

See? I just saved you from a prison sentence. The least you can do is buy one of my books.