I'd Like to Buy a Vowel

          You just don’t hear much about vowels these days.  There they are, helping us string together words and communicate with the world, but they are completely unheralded.

Sure, they are bought and sold on television (Wheel of Fortune), coveted in Scrabble games, and probably get a bit of attention in national spelling bees, but that’s it.

So today I’m heralding vowels. I decided to see if there are any English words that use all of them in order and was thrilled (yes, I am easy to please) to find not one, but TWO examples.  Unfortunately, these are words most folks don’t know.  Okay, one of them most folks don’t know.

Let’s start with the most familiar one: Facetious.  It is not the same as sarcastic, though many people use those words interchangeably.  It actually means joking or being flippant about something serious.  I was being facetious when I was told I’d be having major surgery in November and I said, “You mean I could get out of cooking Thanksgiving dinner?”

          The next word is abstemious.  I am not sure I’ve ever heard anyone utter this word, but maybe I just don’t hang with the right people.  At any rate, abstemious refers to restraint and moderation, especially in eating and drinking (and this could be why, as a foodie, I have never heard associates use this term).  So you could say, “June was very abstemious when it came to dining.” Or maybe she had an eating disorder, who can say?

          (This should even please those who include Y as a vowel because both those adjectives can be turned into adverbs by adding ly, thus keeping the order.)

          You remember that our daughter, Nicole, went to Norway on her LDS mission.  So I decided to ask her if Norwegian had any vowels we don’t use. Turns out they have three more! (Wasn't it enough that they just won the most Winter Olympic medals? Now they have to have the most vowels?) Get this:

          Å is pronounced “oh” but the way someone from Long Island would say dog.  It’s more like “dough-ugh,” so the oh would be kind of “Oh-uh.”

          Ø is pronounced like the u in fur.

          And æ is pronounced like the short a in the word back.  In Norway their a is pronounced “ah.” 

          I wonder if they have words that include all eight of their vowels in order.  I’m betting we win on that one.

Just think of all the wonderful vowels you can enjoy if you buy my books right here!

Maybe try Icelandic?

You all know that our fourth child, Nicole, went on an LDS church mission to the magical land of Norway.  So, naturally anytime she bumps into someone from there, they begin chatting in melodious vowels and upswings that I cannot hope to understand.  But I love to watch and, to my credit, I have learned their fabulous, bouncy birthday song.

          So a few weeks ago St. Bob and I decided to have a family reunion--  Just a small gathering of our four far-flung children, a daughter-in-law, and a girlfriend.  We’ve given up hope on getting everybody in one spot for the holidays—someone is always missing.  So we chose a random long weekend when everyone could get away, and met in Salt Lake City.  And it was absolutely fabulous. On Saturday we rode the Alpine Slides and Coasters in Park City:

          Then we went out for sushi. And in walked an old, crusty panhandler in a cowboy hat, vest, and boots. He asked if any of us could spare some money for a Norwegian veteran. Nicole, seated right at the end of the table where he now stood, perked right up and began to speak to him in Norwegian.

          To say that panic filled his eyes might be an exaggeration, but he quickly back-pedaled, waving her away and saying, “Not so much,” before accepting some money and scooting on his way.  We could only imagine his thoughts: Dang! What are the odds I’d run into someone who actually speaks Norwegian?!  He probably chose the least likely language he expected to encounter.    

          The next day we attended the Mormon Tabernacle Choir’s Music and the Spoken Word broadcast (for whom I’ve been a writer for 20 years), and toured Temple Square.  

          And whom should we see, parking a motorhome on the curb just as we were leaving?  Our “Norwegian” friend, again!  This guy can’t seem to get a break.  Though panhandling is popular at this huge tourist attraction, the Temple grounds also draw people from literally everywhere in the world.

          Maybe he should look up the least spoken languages, as I did today, and he could claim to be one of the eight people in the world who speak chimicuro (from Peru), or Dumi (from Nepal—again eight speakers worldwide), or Ongota (from Ethiopia).  Of course, with tours in 47 languages, he’s still taking his chances.

Grab some great books to give your family members at your next gathering—I have 23 of them to choose from right here!