Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Social Distancing Made Easy


          I have the absolute best way to ensure social distancing during this pandemic . No joke, this will work every time.  If you can make yourself stinky enough, people will stand far away from you. And I know three easy ways to do it.
          First, have your daughter come home and offer to share her hair conditioner with you. Last night I was complaining about my super curly chemo hair which is very dry. Nicole suggested I slather it with her super concentrated hair conditioner which comes in a jar, and leave it on.
          I twisted off the lid, sniffed the contents and nearly fainted. What are some synonyms for reek?  Whatever they are, that’s what I will do if I smear this stuff on my head. Although I will probably have wonderfully conditioned hair.
          And then I remembered an old trick a friend told me about, when he was on the water polo team at Stanford. They’d eat a raw onion. Then none of their opponents wanted to get close enough to steal the ball. Brilliant. So that’s Tip Number Two.

          Garlic is the next idea. Eat enough of it that people can pick up your scent ten feet away. Perfect distance.

          I’m telling you the sense of smell could rescue the world.  Condition your hair. Eat an onion. Save lives.
          And, while you're sequestered at home, be sure to binge watch my short Youtube Mom videos. Filled with life hack and fun ideas.

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