Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Now You See It

          Have you ever heard of a painless migraine?  That’s exactly what I get from time to time.  So how do I know I’m even having one? Because suddenly my field of vision turns into a geometric light show, with sparkling prisms and zig zags, like a kaleidoscope, only clear.  Imagine seeing this:
Only without the color.  Scientists describe it as broken glass and shimmering shards.
  It isn’t really blindness, but it does impair your vision for 20 minutes or so, until it goes away.
Some eye doctors call these auras “fortification illusions” because they look like castle rooflines.  Although, as one who actually sees them, I can tell you that castle is having a major earthquake.
 They’re actually quite beautiful and intriguing, something people try to approximate with art and photography, but not very accurately:
          And apparently there are triggers that cause the genetically predisposed to have these little eyeball theatrics.  
          I thought I’d look up the triggers so I can avoid them.  They include certain cheeses,  caffeinated drinks, red wine, smoked meats, food additives such as MSG, artificial sweeteners, cigarette smoke, perfumes and other strong odors, glaring or flickering lights, lack of sleep, emotional stress, loud sounds,  anxiety, relaxation after a period of stress, foods containing nitrates (hotdogs and luncheon meats), sausage, smoked fish, soy, fava beans, hormonal fluctuations, and even changing weather. 
          So, basically, everything.  I mean the weather, seriously?  Luckily, nobody thinks these sudden acid trips without the acid are harmful, but there are cases of people acquiring Foreign Accent Syndrome (FAS) from such migraines.  Yes, that’s honestly a thing-- People suddenly start speaking with accents from other countries!   If you’re from the U.S. you might suddenly have a South African Accent, or if you’re from England, you might sound German.  These are documented cases, folks.  And I, for one, would like to choose my accent and I want one of those darling Scottish or Irish Brogues.
I also plan to start that Irish dancing immediately, so I can get one of those cute costumes.  Although, since I won’t be able to see where I’m going, I’ll probably crash into a tree.  And then I’ll probably wake up speaking with a Mongolian accent.  But that’s okay because those dancers have cute outfits, too.  Pretty much a win-win.
Have you visited my website, lately?  You’ve got to see the new music video right there on the home page.  And then click the TV tab so you can watch my YouTube Mom segments on Good Day Sacramento.

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