Okay. For years you have been reading about my antics, misfortunes, and embarrassments. You’ve seen me in car crashes, jabbering away while on sleep meds, being frisked, stumbling and bumbling, bald from cancer chemo, getting hosed, correcting graffiti, getting kicked off jury duty, and falling over every kind of furniture in existence.
But this one is the topper. Due to the risk of lymphedema, I have now been fitted with the following chic ensemble, modeled by an anonymous but undoubtedly highly paid model (not Joni):
I know I joke a lot, but this is no joke. It’s a Flexi-Touch wearable pump that fills with air to massage your lymph system. Yes, for one hour every day I shall now resemble the fashion icon, Michelin Man:
He actually has a name. It’s Bib, short for Bibendum. Below you can seem him in 1904, looking almost identical to the Flexi-Touch woman (although she seems to be falling off the sofa).
Good ol’ Bib has also been a food critic
and there’s a restaurant in Paris with two Michelin stars and a picture of him on the wall:
But, hey, ingenious technology is valued for its performance, not for its appearance. So, if it works, I shall bravely don the costume.
But if you pop by and want a photo, there’ll be a small fee (see my other blog about fees right here.)
And, for heaven’s sake, buy my books!