10 Signs That You Need to Quit Gardening

 You know I love to garden.  If you're a regular reader you've heard me wax sentimental about everything from rhododendrons to bananas. But, like many hobbies (and like many vines, actually), it can take over your life.

So let's make a pact with one another and agree to quit when any of the following happen:

 1.         A neighbor says when you bent over to pull weeds, she thought you were one of those plywood lawn ornaments (of a fat woman’s rear end). Although, if you're smart you will then decide to write a play called, "Does This Show Make My Butt Look Fat?" and see it produced to rave reviews and then published.  Ah... revenge. 

2.         Your heart rate increases when a bulb catalog arrives in the mail.

3.         Your home grown carrots actually cost six dollars each.

 4.         Your friends and family are tired of getting bushels of zucchini from you.

5.         You know your snails by name.

6.         You actually don’t mind the smell of fertilizer.

7.         You stop in the produce section of the market and yell out, “You call these tomatoes?”

8.       You subscribe to eight publications, and six of them are about gardening.

9.       You wake up in the night to look for slugs with a flashlight.

And the worst one of all:

10.       You overhear your husband saying your hormones have turned to horticulture.

So switch to a new hobby: Buying Joni's books.  Check out my brand new novel, GOLDEN, in paperback or on Kindle, then browse for others on my website.