Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Scene of the Crime

Imagine you have just been to see the new, suspenseful Mission Impossible movie.  Imagine you have come home, still a bit jumpy, your mind swirling with crime and mayhem.
          Now look in your guest bathroom  and see this:
          Not your everyday occurrence, can we agree?  So here are the possibilities I offer you:
1-   A very large man with big feet has somehow entered my home (after murdering somebody), then has hidden in my bathtub, only to mysteriously liquefy and flow down the drain.
2-   My cat has approximately 100% more hunting ability than I thought, has captured a human this time, but could only eat half of him.
3-   A fly fisherman ghost has walked right through my walls and has taken a bubble bath, but then has fallen asleep after the water drained out. And he’s still there.
4-   A space man with time transporting abilities has broken into my home, hidden in my bathtub, and then gotten sent to Medieval times, and I don’t mean the dinner show.
5-   An alligator wrestler has chosen my bathtub for his latest practice session (after all, there’s a lot of mud here), but has lost and the alligator is still creeping around my house. 
6-   Our son, Richie, who just became a geologist, has gone to investigate some goopy, swampy site, and has left his pants and boots here without first warning his mother. 
Allright, fine.  If you guessed # 6 you are right.  But you must admit it’s a bit disconcerting to find half a dead guy in your tub, no?  Even Dr. Seuss wrote a scary book about exactly this kind of discovery.  It’s called The Pale Green Pants and goes, “Then I was deep within the woods when, suddenly, I spied them. I saw a pair of pale green pants with nobody inside them!”
So I know I’m in good company, being concerned about this half-a-person-in-the-tub thing.  I also know it should be a requirement that geologists bring their mothers gemstones after each expedition, if only to quell their fears.  (If these scientists are so smart, how come they didn’t think of that?)
You can give your mother a wonderful surprise—better than a gemstone.  Okay, better than some gemstones.  Give her one of my books, available here.  Or buy one for yourself!

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