Friday, March 6, 2015

Can't Put My Finger on It

          Well, whaddaya know.  It turns out you can predicts a woman’s athletic ability just by looking at the length of her fingers.  Seriously, there are studies that prove this.
          “… the longer one’s ring finger relative to one’s index finger, the faster one can run,” says British psychologist John T. Manning, who predicted the outcome of several 100-meter races just by looking at the runners’ hands.
          I know, I know.  You’re studying your own fingers right now.  Is your ring finger as long—or even longer—than your pointer?  Then, according to scientists, you were likely exposed to more testosterone in the womb.     And if you’re a woman, you can run like the wind.  For men, the news is even better: They’ll be born with great hearts and vascular systems.
          Apparently this ratio is inherited, and doesn’t change during one’s lifetime.  So if you want all your children to be world class athletes, check out your girlfriend’s ring finger length.
Here’s a chart that tells you how to determine whether your ratio is low (good for sports) or high (good for holding still): 

          Now here’s a photo of my own hand:
          Oh, yes, Boys and Girls, what can we conclude from this? Simply what I’ve known all along—that despite trying, I will never win a gold medal in the Olympics, even the senior Senior Olympics, and sports will forever  exasperate me.  Additionally, I will collect stories of klutziness, sprains, and bruises as I bumble through life a good ten meters behind the more fingerly endowed.
          I’d stop right here and make several puns about having to hand it to  sprinters and marathoners, etc.  But I don’t have time for that—gotta run!

Athletic or not, you’ll love my books because there is literally something for everyone.  Check ‘em out here.

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