Tuesday, August 5, 2014

National Burglar Night

          I know, it sounds crazy.  But we live in a crazy world.  Tonight, my friends, is National Burglar Night (why should this minority not have its own night?) 
          Sure, they’re calling it National Night Out, but are you telling me this is not a giant signal to every thief in the nation to get out his Zorro mask and make the day of it?  Okay, night of it?
          Seriously. This annual event urges residents to gather down the block at some park or at someone else’s home to strengthen community bonds and raise awareness of crime.  Oh, you’ll raise awareness all right.  It will start when you return home and find the place ransacked.
          Do you think burglars are unaware of this “holiday”?  They get the same flyers stuck in their door that I do, I believe.  And they’re probably all high-fiving one another this very minute, at Louie’s Hideaway Bar.  Maybe they’re even divvying up the addresses.
          And then, while our kids are jumping in a bounce house, and we’re sampling the potluck offerings of our neighbors, thieves will quietly be loading our jewelry and electronics into their utility vans.
          Volunteers for the police department typically show up to wear their badges for a couple of hours, and to tell us to watch out for any suspicious vehicles (like the ones probably parked in front of our homes while we're hobnobbing with the law).
          I’m thinking a better idea would be to have random, quiet, unpublicized Neighborhood Watch meetings from time to time.  But as for a nationwide campaign, how about we take a bite out of crime by all staying home for once?  We could call it National Night In.

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