Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Ever Taken This Test?

          Have you ever had your personality analyzed?  I don’t mean online, using a 10-question test to see what Disney character you are, or what kind of cookie you’d be, if you were a cookie.
          I’m talking about the MMPI—the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory.  Yep, folks, I have taken this test.  Twice.  Psychologists give it to patients to help with diagnosis and treatment, and personnel offices give it to applicants to help them learn who’d make a great employee.
          My dad, being a psychologist, gave it to me when I was ten.  When professionals hear this they burst into laughter—nobody gives this test to a 10-year-old; a child wouldn’t even understand some of the questions. But Dad did it anyway, and I think I came out on the safe side of psychotic, so no harm done.
          The next time I took it was as a favor to a psychologist friend just starting out.  And the results were disappointing.  My friend thought it was wonderful that I fell into some rare category of ideal employees.  “You rated as high as possible in dependability,” he said.  “You’re hard-working, loyal, honest and reliable.”
          Okay, pardon me for not leaping with joy over this, but aren’t these the exact same traits we associate with German Shepherds?  
          Why couldn’t “hottie” have been one of the categories?   Seriously, who wants to be told their most glowing asset is dependability?  Whatever.  If you have a job to do I suppose I’m your “go-to man,” but it doesn’t exactly make you shout, “Woo-hoo!” and fist bump your friends.
          Actually, this whole notion of taking tests to see what you’re like has always baffled me.  Don’t you already know what you’re like?  Don’t you know whether you’re a cheerful soul, a drama queen, or a control freak?  Why would you need a complete stranger to help you figure this out?  When I was told I was dependable it wasn’t much of a surprise.  I guess I had just been hoping there would be a hidden quality I hadn’t seen, yet.  We all want to be a bit mysterious and alluring, after all.
          So I guess this means that if I took the Disney character test I would be “Old Reliable” in Lady and the Tramp.
And as far as what kind of cookie I’d be, I suppose I’d be a rock-hard bran cookie that you can always count on, at least to be consistent.  But, in reality, I’d much rather be a clever princess and a French macaron with raspberry filling. 
You don't need a test to tell you my books are a bargain; you can see that for yourself just by clicking on them, right here on the home page.  And if you purchase them, you too can be known as reliable and loyal-- high praise, indeed.

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