Friday, October 4, 2013

The Sorry Truth About Meerkats

            I am a sucker for a cute animal face.  And for years I have thought meerkats were the one pet the entire world had overlooked. 

What an obviously wonderful creature to have around the house:
1.      Cute as a button
2.      Small, thus inexpensive to feed
3.      Perky and playful
4.      Soft fur, probably cuddly

So when “Meerkat Manor” was announced as an upcoming TV show, you can bet I wrote the date on my calendar and counted the days until it aired.  These darlings would finally make their debut to all the world, and before you know it, would be available as pets.
The show would probably give us a peek into their underground houses, tidy and swept clean by meerkat moms wearing aprons and using teeny little brooms.  Meerkat children would come home from school, hop off the armadillo (school bus), and give their moms a big hug.  Meerkat dads would take the whole family out for ice cream and I would sit in my family room, watch this, and smile.
Now picture an airplane hitting the side of a mountain.

 This is exactly how my image of meerkats crashed and burned within minutes of seeing the first episode. 
 Not even on the evening news have I seen such unbridled violence, terror, and bloodshed.  Every meerkat is a crazed gang member out to kill every other meerkat family.  Even the babies. 

You know how they have a guard who stands at attention, apparently watching for hawks or coyotes?  Ha—they’re watching for other meerkats headed their way in a raid of murdering and plundering.

Apparently every meerkat ever born is in a full blown panic that their food supply will run out, and unless they eliminate all other meerkat families, they will die. So every waking minute is spent in all-out warfare, either attacking or being attacked.  It was a hideous glimpse into a dastardly world that shattered my happy little dreams forever.  You want to know what’s the opposite of Downton Abbey?  It’s Meerkat Manor.

And, still mad about this turn of events, I was venting to my family and some dear friends who were staying with us.  They left to visit Old Town, a part of Sacramento with boardwalks and cute shops where they could have purchased any number of darling souvenirs.  But what did they buy?  A figurine of meerkats!  Then they placed it on a plate of ketchup, and left it in the kitchen for me to find.

And then people wonder why I’m like I am.
I promise there are no marauding meerkats, and no fake blood in my books, so shop to your heart’s content, on the left side of this home page.  And tell your friends to subscribe to Joniopolis, so we can all watch out for meerkat attacks.  Solidarity, my friends.