Oh Tannen Bomb

           It all started so innocently. I saw someone’s post that showed her storing her fully decorated, yet tightly wrapped, artificial Christmas tree in a closet. How much time and effort would this save? Gobs, right?

         Heck, I could do that! I ordered some industrial plastic wrap, then St. Bob and I tightly wrapped our decorated tree, pulling the plastic as tightly as a corset to make the tree thin enough, and tipped it over onto a mover's blanket, then wrapped it in a in a big blue tarp, and hobbled it down a hallway to a wonderful closet under the stairs.  We had to remove several hallway paintings along the way. 

         This is our original tree:    

                   Alas, too fat (the tree, not the doorway). I notice that people who store their trees this way have skinny trees. And probably not the glass ornaments I have.

What if we cut through a wall and make a gigantic, 5-foot wide doorway that’s about 7-feet tall, behind the sideboard?  We calculate this cost and realize it would be several thousand dollars.

What if we keep it wrapped, but get it out to the garage?  Won’t fit through laundry room doors, either. Also won’t fit through the bushes if we take it outside and in through the garage doors.

Entire experiment is a disaster. We leave poor, chubby tree on the floor, looking like a Grinch glitch, and go to bed. The next morning we cut the plastic off, remove every last ornament and embellishment, then take it apart as usual, and store it in sections in its box the garage. I carefully wrap all the ornaments and store them as well. Amazingly, only one glass soldier has bitten the dust.

          And now I’ve saved you trying this same thing. You’re welcome.

Watch my life hack Youtube Mom videos here—I promise none of them are about squishing a tree into a cupboard.

Comedy Kids Strike Again!

           I’ve told you before that I seem to have given birth to comedians. This time I had been worried about spots on my lungs and liver—which could have been cancerous—but CT scans said they were fine, so WHEW!

          I texted, “I feel as if I’ve been holding my breath for a few days and can finally breathe again.”

          Richie texted: Did you tell them you were holding your breath the entire time?  That might have thrown off the scan…

          I suggested that maybe I could hawk a cure for cancer online with AI, as the secret breath-holding technique.

          Nicole texted: Awesome! Erwan Le Corre is a professional breath-holder who would probably be down to collaborate.

          I ask how she has even heard of him and she says she knows someone who took a class from him.

          Brandon texted: That’s fantastic news! And it’s not even untrue—if you hold your breath long enough, you will no longer suffer from cancer. Works 100% of the time.

          So, folks, anytime you have some good news, send it my way and I’ll see what these knuckleheads have to say about it.

Meanwhile, you can watch wonderful, short life hacks on my

YoutubeMom channel!

Getting Loopy

           Let’s talk about belt loops for a moment. Are you really happy with yours? No, you are not. None of us are, because either there aren’t enough of them:

 or they’re weirdly spaced:

                   

or they’re simply hard to thread your belt through. St. Bob recently had this very problem. He had some gray jeans that didn’t have enough loops. His belt wouldn’t stay in place (which is the whole point of belt loops, right?), so he asked me if I could think of a solution.

          You betcha. I went to the fabric store, bought some matching gray denim, and made him four extra loops.

            You would think I had invented sliced bread. He is so elated that every single time he puts them on he thanks me and goes on and on about how much he loves his belt loops. It was really a simple fix, but it makes his belt slide through effortlessly now, and holds it right where he wants it. 

            Ahh... to marry a man who is easily pleased.

And now, how about watching one of my YOUTUBE MOM videos about which way your belt goes (to the left, or to the right?)  

Am I a Lunatic Magnet?

           Seriously, I seem to have more crazy people in my life than anyone I know. Here’s my latest encounter.

          I am driving along and I see what looks like the most gorgeous lawn I’ve ever seen. As a gardening nut, I have to stop and tell the owner this. (See? Most of my encounters begin with absolutely kind intentions).

          No owner at home. So a week later I happen to be in the same area again, and this time the owner is in his driveway. I stop and he is as friendly as can be. He tells me it’s an artificial turf lawn. No way!  Yes way!  It’s the most realistic one I’ve ever seen.

          We chat about world events and the guy seems like a genius. Then he tells me he bought his house with bitcoin earnings. (I make a plan to go home and invest in bitcoins). Then he points out some boulders at the front of his property and wonders what they’re made of.

          Aha! I can now tell him that one of our sons is a professional geologist, and I can bring him by to identify them (they look like granite, but what do I know?) and he says great.

          I do this. I bring St. Bob AND Richie and the three of us pay a visit to this nice gentleman. Richie crouches down to examine the stones and explains the rock composition (yep, granite) and then the guy says, “Sometimes they oscillate.”  Uh-oh.  Richie doesn’t even look up, and just kindly says, “Well, we’ve had some earthquakes.” Not true, but it helps the guy save face.

          Just before leaving I notice little red blood spots seeping through the guy’s shirt, as if he’s been poking himself with a nail or something. Oh, dear.

          We get in the car and I say, “Honestly—he seemed really smart and all I wanted to do was tell him how nice his lawn looked.”

          “Which is exactly how half the Dateline episodes begin,” Richie says.

          And then we remember the cab driver in Italy, and a few other examples of people I have befriended who then turned out to be, let’s say, off their medication.

          But you’ve gotta admit, oscillating rocks would be pretty cool.   

          Have you subscribed to my Youtube Mom videos, yet? You’ll get fantastic life hacks once every two weeks—and I only need 50 more subscribers to hit the 10K mark!

Safety Third?

           December has not been good to football players. Fans all know about three time Super Bowl MVP Patrick Mahomes ending his 2025 season due to injury. His replacement was a guy named Gardner Minshew, who then had his own knee injury, and has been replaced by yet a third guy, Chris Oladokun.

          The Green Bay Packers’ star quarterback, Jordan Love, just pulled out with a concussion. The Dallas Cowboys’ cornerback, Trevon Diggs just had a concussion as well. And Ryan Kelly of the Vikings is also undergoing a concussion evaluation.

          The Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Tee Higgins landed on his head on frozen turf, was cleared to finish the game, but then had concussion symptoms hours later.

          Rams star wide receiver Davante Adams left a game with a hamstring injury. The Packers lost two players—one with a chest injury, another with a torn ACL.

          There’s a solution, you know. This literally never happens when you’re reading a book. Draw your own conclusions.

You also never get injured watching my Youtube Mom videos, filled with hundreds of life hacks.

 

         

Be Smarter than the Thieves

           I recently read a post about what to do when visiting a large city, and your car is filled with presents. Where can you park so that your gifts won’t get stolen?

          Advice poured in.  Most people said it can’t be done. Sad that we even have to consider this, but I promise I have the solution.

          Some recommended valet parking at a hotel, but then others claimed that even valet service isn’t safe anymore.

          One guy suggested leaving a big dog in the car, but then you risk people reporting you for leaving a pet in the car. (And what if the dog
tears up your packages? Or the burglars steal your dog?)

          My brilliant idea? And you could take this on Shark Tank:  Blankets that look like garbage. Or snakes. Or vomit. Or body bags with dead parts sticking out. Simply transfer sharp photos onto fabric, and your stuff will look untouchable. 

          Hey, if AI can create posts that look completely believable, surely this can be transferred onto fabric or sturdy paper. Simply tuck it around your valuables, and off you go, worry-free.

          You’re welcome.  Scan through my blog for more ingenious solutions. OR… watch my short Youtube Mom videos filled with hundreds of life hacks.

My Brilliant Christmas Idea

             Okay, hear me out. Not all of us get our entire families together on Christmas. There are trade-off agreements with in-laws and exes, work schedules, travel expenses, and all kinds of reasons why your family might be missing a few people this year.

            But here’s the solution: Bump the holiday. Hey, Jesus wasn’t even born in December; we all know that. So pick the next weekend, or the next one when flight costs return to normal.

            You’ll still have all the wonderful times together, the memories, the wacky disasters you’ll laugh at for years. They just don’t have to happen on the exact date of Christmas. Then BOTH sides of the family get the excitement of opening gifts, enjoying a feast together, singing carols, taking selfies in front of the tree, making a gingerbread house, playing games, re-enacting the nativity, and all the other traditions you hold dear. You can even take advantage of the after-Christmas sales!

             Brilliant, right? I know. Meanwhile, how about a holiday for neuro-divergent thinkers who come up with this ingenious stuff?

            And check out my Youtube Mom videos—hundreds of quick life hacks you’ll love.