Advice Worth Every Penny

           Our daughter, Nicole, just got her Master’s degree in Clinical Therapy. This is perfect for her, as she is a terrific listener and very insightful.

          Even as a young child, she would try to analyze me. I’d be telling her something and she would lead me along and say, “Because…?” She was always an old soul, more the grownup. Meanwhile, I was the little kid at heart, drawing faces on my fingers and then putting on a puppet show.

          I’m sure her clients are thrilled with her techniques and advice. But I cannot imagine listening to troubled people all day, without interrupting and telling them how to solve it.

          If someone comes to me with a problem, I jump in and say, “Grab a pen. Here are 10 things to try.” Why wallow, right? I’m told this is a male characteristic, to want to solve a problem without first venting about it. But I like creative ideas, so I’m already bubbling over with them. And I also like saving time.

          I can actually picture myself opening a booth like Lucy did, in the Peanuts comic strip.  Except mine would say, “Five minutes max” on the sign.

          If someone brings me a concern and I give them advice, I expect them to at least try what I’ve suggested. If they return a couple of weeks later and they still want to whine, I mean, share their troubles, I’ve learned what attorneys say, “Asked and answered.”

         And, of course, I think I have brilliant solutions. The problem is that people like me, with grown kids, want to jump in and give advice. BUT… word on the street is that you should wait for these kids to ask before you tell them how to live.  And… as many a parent has discovered, they don’t ask for your opinion anymore.

          So here I sit, overflowing with fabulous advice, able to share it in the blink of an eye, but everyone seems to be rolling along independently. Maybe I should charge by the hour.

Wonderful, FREE advice and life skills are available to one and all, however. Just visit my Youtube Mom channel.

Hissy Fit

           St. Bob is throwing what, in his home state of Louisiana, they would call a “hissy fit.”  And what has upset him, you ask?

          The ending of a K-Drama we just watched. This is the second time we’ve been robbed of the wedding scene. Episode after episode brought the couple together, we waited FOREVER for them to declare their love, and FOREVER again for them to kiss, and now, just when you’re sure they’ll marry, they don’t.  Oh, they’re still in love.  Just no wedding yet. The End.

          Thanks to my friend, Nanette, who has watched just about every K- Drama that exists, I got hooked on these wonderful, funny, clean, well-written dramas with sub-titles. St. Bob did as well. And in case you have been living under a rock and don’t know about these, they are shows produced in South Korea, hence the K.

          K-Dramas are having a moment. Entire college dorms have K-Drama night, when all the students watch, glued to the suspenseful story. Around the world, people are starting with “Crash Landing on You,” and getting hooked. In that one, the couple became a couple in real life, which only heightens the romance.

          But in any movie, you have certain expectations. You want the villain to suffer consequences, you want the hero to prevail. And you want to see the culminating wedding scene if it’s a romance. Even if you’re an action movie guy who thinks he’s James Bond and has Mission Impossible for his ring tone.

          So, next time we watch a K-Drama, St. Bob is going to forward to the end to see if there’s a wedding. And if not, on to the next one.

Or… you can make less of a time commitment and just learn life hacks by watching my Youtube Mom videos.

Twist and Shout

          I used to be pretty good at tongue twisters. Like so many other talents that pay exactly zero, I was blessed with the ability to say them without getting all twisted up.

          Until now. Enter the Godzilla of Tongue Twisters. It looks simple, but it trips me up: “Irish Wrist Watches.”  Try to say it once without pausing or smooshing it all together.

          And immediately I thought of our son who not only works in the world of luxury watches, but is an expert on the dawn of time.  I mean the literal dawn of time-keeping. He knows every method of time-keeping mankind has ever invented. 

           He works for Panerai Watches, an Italian brand with a store on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. These watches are worn by celebrities, stored in safes by wealthy collectors, and cost as much as some homes. This one can sell for $500,000.00:

He knows all about the big brands: Patek Philippe, Audemars Piguiet, A. Lange & Sohne, and Vacheron Constantin.  (You talk about tongue twisters). 

          So I asked him if he was aware of any Irish watch brands. Sure enough, there’s one called McGonigle:

          I asked my son if he could say Irish wrist watches. He could. Did it with no problem. (sigh).

Be sure to visit my Youtube Mom channel, where in NO TIME, you can find hundreds of great life hacks.

Beware of the Blob!

           I feel like I’m in a Sci-Fi movie and the Slime Monster is attacking. Either that, or somebody seriously does not like scrambled eggs.  Here is what I found on my lawn today:

          And in a flower garden:

              What kind of crazy, creepy thing is attacking my yard?  And what other crazy thing do I have to do to get rid of it?  Is it poisonous? Deadly? Radioactive?  Something I can write about on a blog?

Aha. Answers to questions 1 to 3 are “No.” Answer to question 4 is “Yes.”

Turns it’s called Slime Mold and it’s not dangerous to people or animals. Whew! But it’s super ugly and also has the nickname, Dog Vomit Fungus, which is disgusting, so thanks for that.

So what on earth is it? It’s a single-celled primitive organism that spreads through spores. It’s not a fungus or a disease.  It can show up on lawns especially during damp or humid conditions. Hello??? I live in low-humidity California and we’ve had a heat wave that has dried everything out!

Okay, it’s not poisonous, but it’s in the wrong state and I want to get rid of it.  Luckily you can rake it away or wash it off with water. And now you know what to do if you’re ever attacked by the Slime Mold Monster.

I have hundreds of life hacks (way more useful than this one) on my Youtube Mom channel.  Check ‘em out!

12 Reasons You Shouldn't Be on a Reality Show

 1-         You’re too chipper.  The last time you lost your temper was during the Carter administration. 

2-         You don’t look good enough in a swimsuit; the others would ignore you.

3-         You look too good in a swimsuit; the others will despise you.

 4-         You’re a peace maker, and would try to get everyone else to get along, or at least join you in singing a few show tunes. 

5-         You don’t have enough tattoos. 

6-         You don’t secretly want to be an actress. 

7-         Your nose runs when you over exert yourself.

 8-         You’d need too many luxury items: tweezers, concealer, hair gel, wrinkle cream, lip liner, mascara, nail polish, etc. 

9-         You’re too exhausted from raising a family to be a diabolical manipulator.

 10-       You’d want to include the camera men and crew, to be polite. 

11-       You know too many party games and would make it too much fun.

 12-       You’d only be doing it to lose weight, and wouldn’t have that competitive edge.    

So stay home and watch my Youtube Mom videos. Hundreds of life hacks!

 

 

Taking the Cake

           Last week I had a birthday, and St. Bob gave me this ridiculously delicious cake:

          It’s only six inches wide, but it’s perfect for just the two of us. The cake is moist and dense, the frosting absolutely dreamy.

          And it gave me an idea. Why don’t we get similar cakes for all our far-flung friends? These pals are too far away to mail a cake to them, so we’ll just have their names written on them, and then eat the cake ourselves!

Of course, we’ll send a photo so they’ll know we remembered them. We can even send a video us blowing out the candles, and enjoying one yummy slice after another.

          We are nothing if not fabulously thoughtful.

And then you can enjoy sweet life hacks on my Youtube Mom videos! Be sure to subscribe!

After the Party...

          You try to have a cool celebration for the teens in Seminary (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), for the Prophet’s 100th Birthday yesterday:

          President Russell M. Nelson is absolutely amazing—looks 60, and still sharp as a whip.He became a doctor at 22, finished surgical training at Harvard, was on the team that created the first artificial lung and heart, was a pioneer in artificial heart surgery, has perfect pitch, plays piano and organ, speaks fluent Mandarin and has studied 12 other languages, served in the Korean War, is a father of 10, and has 57 grandkids and 119 great-grandkids. He has visited 113 different nations and has been in an apostle since 1984.

So you want to do this right. You spell “100” in gold balloons. You hang a banner. You bring his favorite treat: Apples. You even have a cake with 100 candles on it:

And you have a great celebration with the students. Afterwards, you load what’s left into the car—most of the cake, and seven of the apples. If this sounds like a story problem, it is both a story AND a problem.

Because the minute you get out on the road, some turkey—and I mean an ACTUAL TURKEY—darts out in front of you.

You slam on the brakes. Everything (except the turkey) goes flying. Apples and basket fall onto the floor.

Balloons pop and release helium. The cake slides under my seat, getting frosting all over the wires and tubes under there.  The phone-to-TV wire also falls into the frosting. I have to hurry off to a funeral, so there’s no time to clean this up, and the frosting turns into cement.

Meanwhile, the turkey returns to its tribe, a hero for having even tried to cross the street.

And, somehow, I have to think that President Nelson would have gotten a kick out of this. 

Have you subscribed to this blog, yet? Don’t wait until you turn 100—do it today!