Yesterday When I Was Young

          You want to know how old I am? I can remember when new potatoes were actually new.

                 There was nationwide amazement. We had only known thick-skinned russets. And now people had invented a new plant?

          I colored with crayons in the now retired colors of maize, lemon yellow, blue gray, raw umber, green blue, orange red, orange yellow, and violet blue. I still miss them.

          As a child I was given paragoric when I was sick. Today it’s classified as a Schedule III drug under the Controlled Substances Act. I do not miss paragoric.

          My girlfriends and I wore skate keys around our necks and chewed Fruit Stripe Gum.  We dreamed of wearing Go-Go boots and buying the next adorable Troll doll.

          We dutifully glued Green Stamps into booklets that could be redeemed for something really cool, like a portable hair dryer with a pink bonnet.

          If you had given us bowls of quinoa, tofu, boba, kale, chia seeds, or agave, and said these would be popular in the new century, we would have wrinkled our noses and said, “Nuh-uh.”

But we would have been thrilled to think that you could access life hacks at the touch of a button. See my Youtube Mom videos right here.

Hansel and Who?

         I have always loved fairy tales, fairy gardens, fairy everything. But who knew I was turning into a fairy tale character? Gretel, to be precise.

         You remember Hansel and Gretel, leaving bread crumbs behind. Well, I do this without even trying. Honesty, you guys, I think I have excellent table manners and I am not attempting to make a mess, but (here comes the excuse) I do have dyspraxia, which is clumsy child syndrome.

          This means I am likely to trip over my chair, knock over my water glass, and yes, leave more crumbs around my plate than anyone else.

          Part if this is because I am one of those big babies who won’t eat her crusts.  They’re hard. They’re scratchy. They’re burnt and dry. So I peel them off. Luckily, my Hansel, I mean my handsome hubby, loves crusts. So we make a good pair.

          There’s just one problem. When the waiter comes to take our plates, it looks like a two-year-old has eaten in my spot. Invariably my plate is surrounded by crumbs.  

           My daughter, who studies personalities, says this is also because I am a “One,” the category of childlike people who are typically messy eaters whether they’re klutzy or not.

          Fine. I accept the diagnosis. But I’m still not eating my crusts.

          However, I have dozens of life hacks you can watch on my Youtube Mom channel.  And how not to spill on your shirt is one of them!

Carmel Sauce

          What do you do when your computer crashes? You go to Carmel-by-the-Sea. 

This time of year the hills looked like Ireland as we started our trip. 

 At last we arrived at this charming little village 

where sunsets are gorgeous,

food is amazing, 

 

          and there are even a bunch of fairytale cottages to find, built by Hugh Comstock for his wife, exactly 100 years ago.

          We drove past Pebble Beach, 

and enjoyed the fact that the seals are all gathered at Bird Rock, and the birds are all gathered at Seal Rock.

     

   This Frank Lloyd Wright house just sold for $22 million.

There are lots of other homes still on the market, but let’s just say it helps if you’re a billionaire.

          However, for the fabulous price of FREE, you can enjoy dozens and dozens of my Youtube Mom life hack videos.

Write This Down

           Are you still using Number 2 pencils? I know, I know, we use pens far more often, but most of us still own a few pencils. I use one to jot on a notepad beside my bed when I get ideas in the middle of the night.

          But don’t you wonder why we’re all using #2s? Why not #1s?  Aha! Today I shall enlighten you.

          First, pencil “leads” aren’t lead, but a mixture of graphite, clay, and water. The higher the number, the harder the core, and the lighter the marking is.

          Turns out that #1 pencils have more graphite, and thus make darker markings, so sign me up! I have always thought pencil marks were too light and skinny. I’m the same way with pens. I always choose bold over the fine tip.

          But here’s why: I have terrible handwriting. It looks like I’m in 3^rd grade.  This means that a wider, smudgier line is more forgiving than a sharp point, and my handwriting looks cleaner with it. You may have gorgeous printing, in which case you can use any tip you like.

          So back to #2 pencils. It’s the standard here because it’s average, right in the middle of the grading scale. But only in the US, folks. This designation doesn’t exist in the rest of the world.

          Still, why so many kinds? Art. Drafting. Some people want very precise tips. And if you want a challenge, try writing with a super-hard 10H pencil. On the other hand, I hear that Japanese pencils add wax and other additives, to give dark, yet non-smudgy results.

          Last bit of pencil trivia for you: Henry David Thoreau’s family manufactured pencils, and he worked with his father, even inventing a new way to grind the graphite.  

          And now you will never see a common pencil in the same way again.

          However, you can see my Youtube Mom videos whether you own a pencil or not. Check out dozens of life hacks on my channel!

Currying Favor

           I’ve told you before that our four kids are comedians. Not professionally, just happenstance-ily.

          We were on a Facetime call last weekend, all sharing what’s new in our lives, when Nicole mentioned that she is seeing someone, and that he brought curry over and they watched a documentary by a Swedish guy with a Hispanic name.

          “What was in the curry?” everyone wanted to know.  She listed a few ingredients.

          “That’s good that he can cook,” someone said.

          “And why does the Swedish documentary guy have a Spanish name?”

          She pointed out that lots of people who live in Sweden are from somewhere else.

          I frowned. I like the dolls in It’s a Small World to stay in their assigned spots. No hula dancers wiggling off to the igloo area, no one in a sombrero joining the can-can dancers.

          There were more questions about the curry. What kind of rice? How was the meat seasoned?

          Someone asked our daughter-in-law, Tiffany, about her upcoming yoga retreat and she said that her students’ trauma was a heavy thing for them to carry.

          “Especially when they have to carry it doing all those hard poses,” Brandon pointed out.

          Then Cassidy asked Brandon how many kids he has (which is zero), and complimented him on his Dad joke.

          “I like how Nicole mentioned she’s seeing someone, and all anyone asked about was the curry,” I said.

          “Well, and the documentary,” Brandon added. Yes, good point. Another successful family gathering.

Have you seen my latest Youtube Mom videos?  Hundreds of life hacks you can watch right where you’re sitting. With or without your family.

World Champion Haggler

          I honestly think St. Bob should come with a warning sign. It would say, “Enter into negotiations with this man at your own risk.”

          He competes at this “game” like it’s the Chiseling Olympics, and he’s defending his gold medal. If he gets even a whiff that a price is negotiable, the day is gone and he will wheedle and bargain until closing time. Had he been born in a country with open markets and flexible prices, I would never see him again.

          But in the U.S. this hobby is pretty much restricted to car dealerships. And heaven help the car salesman who doesn’t match Bob’s talents. It is a point of pride that Bob can finagle a make and model for less money than anyone else you will ever hear of.

          This week he sold his SUV, so the haggling began. Over and over he “walked away.”  At one point he told me he really did want a certain car, so I said, “Then call and tell them.”

          Ha! He looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Whoever calls next loses.”  There’s a method to his madness and he can tell exactly when the salesman is ready to lower the price, throw in a warranty, and include a new set of tires.

          Finally it was over. “Did you get the price you wanted?” I asked.

          “Even lower,” he said. “Plus he threw in new floor mats, a tank of gas, and Sirius FM.”

          Good grief. No wonder he was so good as the host of NBC TV’s Let’s Make a Deal during the 90s. These poor salesmen haven’t got a chance.

          Yes, you can watch episodes of St. Bob wheeling and dealing, but don’t forget to watch a few of my Youtube Mom life hack videos as well!

Okay, but.. a Shark?

           Last week California had a record-breaking storm. Buckets of rain, and amazingly, 61-mile-an-hour winds. 70 is a hurricane, so you can imagine tree limbs, roof tiles, and even garbage cans blowing sideways.

          It sounded like a freight train and caused several power outages. At one point I looked out at the front street and there, crumpled up on our lawn, was a shark!

          Okay, a pool shark.

          Okay, not that kind of pool shark. An inflatable one for a swimming pool.

          Although it would have been cool if various sea creatures had blown into the neighborhood, all the way from the coast.

          I ran back to grab my phone and take a picture. But in the few seconds it took, the shark had blown away, probably to San Francisco.

          Maybe those are the real lyrics to the song! I left my shark…. In San Francisco…

          We survived the onslaught with only some fence damage, but somewhere a family is missing its pool floatie.

          Weather-- or sharp teeth-- keeping you inside? That’s a perfect time to watch my Youtube Mom life hacks!