Tuesday, September 20, 2016

The Olympics, New and Improved

          Someone recently pointed out to me that I have not blogged about the Olympics.  Yes, they took place in a city virtually begging to be blogged about with rampant crime, warnings about swallowing more than two tablespoons of river water, athletes renting cruise ships to sleep and eat on, rather than take their chances in Rio, and virus-carrying mosquitoes that made some athletes stay away altogether.  It was like a disaster movie set.
          And, of course, there were champions to cheer for and exciting moments as well.  BUT… what I think I’ll blog about are my vast and varied ideas for Olympic events that ought to be. My list is more inclusive than the Olympic Committee’s, and could involve people of all cultures and ages, even you and I. Herewith, my 15 suggestions:
1.       Uneven parallel bathroom wallpapering.  

2.      Wrestling a resistant child into boots, parka, gloves and hat.
3.      Speed shopping.
4.      Running cross-country after the garbage truck.
5.       Balancing while putting on pantyhose.
6.      Diving into holiday decorating.
7.       Synchronized sandwich making.
8.      Tug o’War Gum removal from a child’s hair.
9.      Curling one’s nostrils during in-law’s visit.
10.     Shot-putting cell phones.
11.     Dry Cycling Laundry folding (extra points for contour sheets).
12.     De-bathlon :Bathtub scrubbing after teenager works on his car.
13.     Triathlon Diaper changing (of triplets).
14.     Freestyle Leftovers disguising.
15.     Computer Diving: Your monitor gets to dive off the board into a very deep pool.  You know you’ve dreamed of that.
And then, as all good athletes must rest and renew, you can put your Nike-sponsored feet up and enjoy my latest novel, Golden.

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