Currying Favor

           I’ve told you before that our four kids are comedians. Not professionally, just happenstance-ily.

          We were on a Facetime call last weekend, all sharing what’s new in our lives, when Nicole mentioned that she is seeing someone, and that he brought curry over and they watched a documentary by a Swedish guy with a Hispanic name.

          “What was in the curry?” everyone wanted to know.  She listed a few ingredients.

          “That’s good that he can cook,” someone said.

          “And why does the Swedish documentary guy have a Spanish name?”

          She pointed out that lots of people who live in Sweden are from somewhere else.

          I frowned. I like the dolls in It’s a Small World to stay in their assigned spots. No hula dancers wiggling off to the igloo area, no one in a sombrero joining the can-can dancers.

          There were more questions about the curry. What kind of rice? How was the meat seasoned?

          Someone asked our daughter-in-law, Tiffany, about her upcoming yoga retreat and she said that her students’ trauma was a heavy thing for them to carry.

          “Especially when they have to carry it doing all those hard poses,” Brandon pointed out.

          Then Cassidy asked Brandon how many kids he has (which is zero), and complimented him on his Dad joke.

          “I like how Nicole mentioned she’s seeing someone, and all anyone asked about was the curry,” I said.

          “Well, and the documentary,” Brandon added. Yes, good point. Another successful family gathering.

Have you seen my latest Youtube Mom videos?  Hundreds of life hacks you can watch right where you’re sitting. With or without your family.

World Champion Haggler

          I honestly think St. Bob should come with a warning sign. It would say, “Enter into negotiations with this man at your own risk.”

          He competes at this “game” like it’s the Chiseling Olympics, and he’s defending his gold medal. If he gets even a whiff that a price is negotiable, the day is gone and he will wheedle and bargain until closing time. Had he been born in a country with open markets and flexible prices, I would never see him again.

          But in the U.S. this hobby is pretty much restricted to car dealerships. And heaven help the car salesman who doesn’t match Bob’s talents. It is a point of pride that Bob can finagle a make and model for less money than anyone else you will ever hear of.

          This week he sold his SUV, so the haggling began. Over and over he “walked away.”  At one point he told me he really did want a certain car, so I said, “Then call and tell them.”

          Ha! He looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Whoever calls next loses.”  There’s a method to his madness and he can tell exactly when the salesman is ready to lower the price, throw in a warranty, and include a new set of tires.

          Finally it was over. “Did you get the price you wanted?” I asked.

          “Even lower,” he said. “Plus he threw in new floor mats, a tank of gas, and Sirius FM.”

          Good grief. No wonder he was so good as the host of NBC TV’s Let’s Make a Deal during the 90s. These poor salesmen haven’t got a chance.

          Yes, you can watch episodes of St. Bob wheeling and dealing, but don’t forget to watch a few of my Youtube Mom life hack videos as well!

Okay, but.. a Shark?

           Last week California had a record-breaking storm. Buckets of rain, and amazingly, 61-mile-an-hour winds. 70 is a hurricane, so you can imagine tree limbs, roof tiles, and even garbage cans blowing sideways.

          It sounded like a freight train and caused several power outages. At one point I looked out at the front street and there, crumpled up on our lawn, was a shark!

          Okay, a pool shark.

          Okay, not that kind of pool shark. An inflatable one for a swimming pool.

          Although it would have been cool if various sea creatures had blown into the neighborhood, all the way from the coast.

          I ran back to grab my phone and take a picture. But in the few seconds it took, the shark had blown away, probably to San Francisco.

          Maybe those are the real lyrics to the song! I left my shark…. In San Francisco…

          We survived the onslaught with only some fence damage, but somewhere a family is missing its pool floatie.

          Weather-- or sharp teeth-- keeping you inside? That’s a perfect time to watch my Youtube Mom life hacks!

You're in a Band?

           We had just gone to bed last night when St. Bob told me his shoulder was hurting again.

          “Aren’t you doing physical therapy for it?” I asked.

          And here’s where the story breaks down. Evidently he went to PT and thought they’d have him lift some weights. 

          But, instead, he was shown how to use one of those wide resistance bands.

“And everybody doing it was about 900 years old and I hate that frickin’ place, so I left.”  (pause) “And I went to Burger King.”

          “But if you’d try what they said to do—”

          “It’s rubber bands!  Rubber bands!” Bob said, getting worked up.

          And now I’m giggling uncontrollably. I can just picture him refusing to join a geriatric group. Bob would rather live in denial than rehab his shoulder.

          He recommends the Double Whopper, no onions, extra pickles.

          And I recommend my Youtube Mom channel here. You might not heal your shoulder, but you’ll learn a lot of life hacks.