Tuesday, December 1, 2015

The Earring Conundrum

                The problem with earrings is that you can’t see them when you’re wearing them.  Your clothes, your shoes, other jewelry – these are all visible.  But ear bobs are just out of sight.
                And this is where men come into the picture.  Men, if they really wanted to be useful (but I have done a survey and they do not)  (Okay, the survey was two people—St. Bob and Richie)  would keep an eye on things and let us know if an earring is missing.
                You can count on one ear how many times a man has said, “I believe you’re missing an earring.”  You could go to lunch, the movies, and to check out the new Bass Pro Shop with said men, and they will not notice the missing earring. (They will, of course, notice all kinds of sporting gizmos.)  When you finally flip down the car visor to put on some lipstick, and suddenly notice the BIG, GLARING ABSENCE OF ONE EARRING, they will claim no knowledge of this whatsoever.
                “How can you miss seeing that one earring is gone?” you will say.  And you are thinking, I would tell you if one earring is missing. If you wore earrings.
                “Your hair covers your earrings and I didn’t even know you were wearing any,” Bob will reply.
                “Why do women wear earrings in the first place?” Richie will ask.
                “To look nice.  Probably for men,” you suggest.
                “But we don’t care about earrings,” Richie says.  “So you’re wasting your time.”
                Clearly.  And you are certainly wasting not one, but TWO earrings, when zero would get exactly as much attention. We are talking total obliviousness.  In one earring and out the other.

Fortunately, you can buy my books for less money than a new pair of earrings!  Check ‘em out here.

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