Tuesday, December 22, 2015

All That Glitters...

          I’ll admit it: I’m a girly girl.  I like Queen Frostine, Princess Anybody, pink cupcakes, and sparkly stuff.  When Christmas comes around, I can’t wait to see twinkly lights and wear shimmering jewelry.  But this brings us to THE GLITTER PROBLEM.
          I bought a glittery, mint green top this year, to wear to holiday parties.  And, what the heck, I figured, I’d wear it to church as well.  Except I forgot that things which are covered with glitter are actually secret weapons designed by passive-aggressive crafters who want to control the world, or at least to cover it with silver flecks.
          I sat down at church and immediately noticed my black skirt looked like the night sky in the Southern Hemisphere—loaded with stars.  Then I noticed St. Bob’s black pants and coat, also speckled with constellations. Oops.  And when I stood up, two piles of glitter remained on the bench, like parentheses framing the spot where I’d been sitting.  Glitter was on the floor, on my purse, on my face—everywhere.
          And glitter on your face does not brush off.  You can scrub your skin until it’s raw, and glitter will stick like you used Gorilla Glue to keep it there. In fact, it’s surprising people ever use glue with glitter when it sticks all by itself anyway. 
As I walked, little puffs of glitter followed me.  You could see everywhere I’d gone in the building, just by following the glitter path.  It was like Hansel and Gretel, except no birds were eating these silvery crumbs. I should have brought a hand held mini-vac with me, or at least one of those sticky roller things.
It’s amazing someone didn’t call the police and report me for littering.  I mean glittering.  But they probably wouldn’t haul me in anyway, because they know exactly what would happen to the back seat of their car. 
Luckily, you can watch my short YouTube Mom videos-- there are hundreds of them-- without getting a speck of glitter on you.  Check 'em out here.

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