Think Before You Ink

          Ah, the things we can learn from tattoos.  The other day I noticed my supermarket checkout guy had a gigantic tattoo on his arm, of a girl’s name. Let’s say it was Doopsie, just because I don’t know any Doopsies.

          “Oh, is Doopsie your wife?” I  asked. 

          “No, no!” he said, leaving a string of exclamation marks in the air. “That’s my daughter.”  

And now, the TMI part. “I’d never get a tattoo of a wife’s name,” he explained. “’Cause tattoos are forever, y’know?”

I nodded.

“And my daughter, now she’ll  be my daughter forever. But with a wife, you never know.”

Indeed.  Those fickle wives, coming and going like the latest cell phones. 

By now I had my groceries, so I didn’t get to inquire for more information. Also, I didn’t want any.

But it got me thinking. First, why would you marry someone you weren’t sure about? Second, how many wives are we talking, here? I mean, there’s a lot of square footage on the average body. 

Third, what if you have six or seven kids? Then do you get equally gigantic tattoos for each child, lest one feel left out? Has he thought ahead about this? And he can protest all he wants about only wanting one or two kids, but we all know who’s in charge of efficient prevention, right?

Also, what’s his wife’s reaction to a lavish hearts-and-roses mural for Doopsie, but not one for her? And does the wife have a matching Doopsie tattoo? What happens when Doopsie grows up and then has a bunch of grandkids for this guy? Will they also be emblazoned somewhere?  And, by then, what places will be left?  Armpits? Buttocks? Who wants their name there? I’m just saying. A tattoo is forever, after all.

I suppose the pages of my books are tattooed with text. But it's doggone good text, so get started on your Christmas shopping here.