What's the Last Thing You Looked Up?

           I wonder if the FBI or the CIA will look at my search history someday and conclude that I’m some kind of criminal. Most other writers share my problem.

          For example, I recently wrote about Tiddly Winks. That seems pretty harmless. But what about searching for ways someone can choke on one?

          Here are some other things I've asked the all-knowing internet:

          What are some things that can explode if they’re in your car and you hit a bump?

          How about ways you can train a cat to steal jewelry (a true cat burglar), and also how to drop him on a roof from a drone.

          If someone is trapped in freezer, how long before they die?

          What’s the most sarcastic animal?

          Where is the most common place kidnappers hide their victims?

          Can you make a cake using household cleanser for the flour?

          Can a policeman get sued if he shoves a prisoner into the squad car and the prisoner bumps his head on the roof of the car?

          Can a lawyer quit in the middle of a trial because she realizes her robbery client is actually a serial killer?

          What makes someone a compulsive liar?

          What is the worst natural smell a human can generate?

          Can a judge get away with murder if he hires the hit man, and then sets him free in court?

          Hey, enquiring minds, you know.

          Meanwhile, I’m making harmless Youtube Mom videos, filled with innocent—but clever and easy—life hacks. Check ‘em out!

         

Things You Never Knew About Golf

           I will begin by admitting that I don’t like golf. Not only am I too klutzy to play it, but I also object to it as a concept. Now, you golfers, don’t go throwing a good club at me and getting as bent out of shape as that club.

          Before I tell you why I oppose it, here are some statistics you may not know:

          Fewer than 30% of the players are female. There was an upsurge during the pandemic, but it’s still a man’s sport.

          In its favor, A golfsupport.com survey of 500 golfers’ wives and 500 wives of non-golfers, says golfers have the happiest marriages, with  80% of the golfers’ wives rating their marriage 5 out of 5, compared to 59% of the non-golfer wives.

          However, Golf Monthly says 17% of male golfers use golf to hide infidelity.

          Okay, enough stats. Here are my reasons for opposing this activity:

1.      It takes too much time. You really need to devote an entire day to this, and think what else you could have accomplished, to say nothing of spending time with your family. (Exception: If your whole family golfs with you, then I’m for it.)

2.     I can’t get excited about the idea of getting a ball into a little hole. Again, this could be due to my own lack of coordination, but it seems there should be more to this. I mean, if someone discovered that cave men played golf, I would not find it a bit surprising (and they had clubs, remember).

3.     It becomes an obsession. People move next to golf courses, take golfing vacations, wear golf clothes all the time, even get divorced over it.    

4.    Does this happen with other sports? Check out my blog about making several sports more exciting here (totally worth the read).

5.     And, finally, it’s basically Tiddly Winks, except you walk around the block between plays. In fact, maybe we should rename it Tiddly Links.

 (St. Bob asked why I’m on such a tear about golf and I admitted that I really just wanted to make the Tiddly Winks analogy.)

But I still say your time would be much better spent checking out the hundreds of easy life hacks you can find on my Youtube Mom channel.

That's a Horse of a Different Tint!

          This is not surprising news: I color my hair.  After chemo, I’ve gone to a salon to get the match right. And I always jot the appointment down in my calendar.

          Then we re-did our stairway wall, filled with family photos. The old ones were so washed out from sunlight that we replaced them all with updated pictures. And this time, we hired a guy to put a dimming film on the nearest window.

          We set it up for 10:30, but as the day got closer, I told St. Bob he had to be there, because I had a hair appointment at exactly the same time. No problem.

          I drove to the salon and sat down to wait for my hairdresser. Finally 15 minutes went by, so I texted and asked if she was running late. Nope. She told me my appointment was still a week away. I looked it up and sure enough, I had written it on another date.

          And then it hit me: I had written “10:30 Tint” for the window guy, and then assumed that meant my hair coloring, not tinted windows. I slinked out of the salon, got in my car and got out of there.

          The guy was still working when I got home, and I pretended to be completely on top of my life.  It was quite the performance.

However, you can be on top of your life with easy life skills on my Youtube Mom channel, right here!

Criss Cross Applesauce

           Well, here’s what you get for thinking. I’ve often marveled at the way conversations break into parts during a dinner party. You’ll see two people talking across the table, while their partners are also talking, across them.

          But nobody’s words bump into anyone else’s. It’s like the sound waves know to jump to one side and let the “property development” conversation weave between the “airline schedule” conversation, and maybe even a third “doctor appointment” conversation.

          So I looked up why this happens. I mean, if we were tossing water balloons, or using Super Soakers filled with paint, the water and the paint would collide and mix together, right?

           Turns out that molecules will indeed crash. But sound? Nope. Those aren’t molecules. They’re waves that are independent of each other. But the physics folks have to tell you in a language all their own:  “The speed of sound in the atmosphere is approximatively 330 m/s. However the typical speed of diatomic nitrogen is 442 m/s. Yes, individual molecules move faster than the speed of sound!"

          They use words like superposition, orthogonal force vectors, infinite dimensional space, and hertz (named after Heinrich Hertz who always seems to show up in these discussions).

          Maybe next time, bring a tiny squirt gun. You know, just to prove a point.

Meanwhile, you can watch my Youtube Mom videos, filled with easy life hacks!