Friday, February 7, 2014

Staying Young at Heart

            Years ago I had a TV talk show in Los Angeles, and interviewed a handwriting analyst.  He took one look at my 4th-grade scrawl and said, “Well, you’re either very immature, or very childlike.”
            “It’s childlike,” I told him.  Sheesh.  
            But the fact of the matter is that I really am childlike (ask those who know me best), and it’s a trait I’m proud of, because it’s consistent with being highly creative.  But it’s also a great reason to use products made for kids. 
            Think about it logically.  If they can make kids’ shampoo tearless, why isn’t all shampoo tearless?  Just because we’re grownups doesn’t mean we like the sting of soap in our eyes any more than children do.  So I use tearless.
            And when I have a sore throat, why should I spray it with the bitter, regular adult Chloraseptic, when the very same product is available in grape flavor? 
            I’m telling you, manufacturers are onto something with kiddie products, and here’s a bathtub boatload I can’t wait to try:
            Blamtastic Lip Balm SPF 15.  This is a kid-made, cruelty-free balm for both girls and boys, and comes in – get ready—O.M.G. (Oh My Grape), Cherry Nilla, Lemon-liscious, Frenetic Fizz (orange soda), Radioactive (lemon-lime), and Brain Squeeze (sour cherry).  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Who wouldn’t want to try those?  You can find them at
            Now check out this Violight Zapi Doodle Toothbrush Sanitizer.  First of all, I’m not even aware of an adult toothbrush sanitizer, but I totally want one.  It kills E. coli, staphylococcus, and 99.9 percent of the H1N1 swine flu virus.  As if that’s not enough, it comes with pirate, monster, and cuddly animal stickers.  You can find it at
            How often do we see a kid with shoes that light up, and wish they made them in grownup sizes?  Okay, maybe that’s only me, but I would totally wear these:
            I’ve been taking kiddie vitamins for years.  Why shouldn’t I have a tasty Flintstone candy now and again?  But there are others we could be enjoying, too. 
Disney has Fairy and Princess Gummies, and other manufacturers make vitamin gummies in animals, sea creatures, dinosaurs, you-name-it. 
            And don’t tell me you’re still using those dusty pink Band-Aids that don’t match anyone’s skin.  It’s as if their scientists scoured the world for every shade of person, and then deliberately picked the one color no one was.  How about Ouchies Bandages Make Ur Own?   What—kids are the only people who can draw?  You’re doodling when you’re on the phone, anyway—why not decorate your own bandages?

            And check out these Rilakkuma Band-Aids in a Paris print:
            Who doesn’t love Paris?  Why is it only kids get to dream of macarons and berets?
            Have you noticed how much stronger the mint flavor is in toothpaste these days?  To quote the entire state of Utah, What the heck?  So get the kids’ versions that won’t make you drop to your knees in pain.
            And why suck on a cough drop that tastes like the underside of a tire?  Buy them in orange, grape, bubble gum, and tropical punch—there are too many to list here.  If you use Mentholatum rub, then get the cherry scented one, already. 
            Remember candy necklaces?  We should still be wearing those!  
             Life is sweeter, quite literally, when you use these products.  And keep a coloring book and some Play Doh by the phone, to play with as you chat.  It’ll reduce your stress level immediately.  Or come over and borrow mine.  I’m saving some crayons just for you.
You can also reduce your stress level by purchasing my books.  No, wait—that reduces my stress level.  I knew it was one of those.


  1. I love this story, now I know why I like "little girl" things!

    1. Kindred spirits! We should go out and get matching Popsicles!