Yes, I'm aware of blonde jokes. To be honest, I love them and pass them along. But I'm not as amused when I am living one, and being that blonde. Such was the case a few years ago.
Bob's brother, Ken, decided to have a Christmas wedding in Mississippi. I wanted to go, but was nine and half months pregnant (yes, THANK YOU FOR NOT INDUCING ME, AND MAKING ME NINE DAYS OVERDUE, DR. RUBENSTEIN). At any rate, Ken and his bride, Sherri, chose to honeymoon in Hawaii.
Bob was announcing game shows at that time, and what Ken and Sherri didn't know was that Bob was going to be in Hawaii as well, announcing Win, Lose, or Draw. Bob planned to surprise them one evening in a restaurant, showing up as their waiter, with a towel folded over his arm.
Gulp. I tried to sound excited, but my mind was whirling with worry about how Bob was going to pull off his surprise. I got hold of him and told him to forget about the waiter impersonation, and just call his brother and let them know he was over there. He caught them. Whew. And now, with Bob as tour guide, their honeymoon turned into a traveler's dream-- snorkeling, luaus, fun in the sun.
I went outside to finish pulling all the
burned hair off my head, then went upstairs to shower. By now my scorched
fingers and nose were killing me, so I got ice packs and went to bed. First I
wrote a note, though, trying to explain the crispy wife, partially bald, who
smelled like ashes and was upstairs in bed waiting for Bob. (Burned nose hairs
reek for days, by the way.)
In another half hour they arrived and
thought someone had been toasting marshmallows. I crept from around the corner
with my ice packs, trying to hide my head (not easy) and admitted my goof, which
could easily have put me on the Darwin
list. Everyone sympathized (we did laugh, how could we not?).
And, of course, a few days later I did give birth, and you'll be pleased to know they put me in the maternity ward, not the burn ward. But they probably wondered what on earth happened. And I was not telling. We blondes have to keep a few secrets, after all.
Do a blonde a favor and buy her books here and here. My latest four are Jungle, Sisters in the Mix, Pinholes Into Heaven, and Wishes for the LDS Child. Unlike having me light your fireplace, these are perfect for Christmas.
(Portions of this post appeared a few years ago in "By the Light of a Star," an anthology published by Covenant Communications.)